


Upload Your Video

by Poe



Series: Upload Your Video 'verse [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Amputee Bucky Barnes, Coming Out, Fluff, Internet, Internet Celebrities, M/M, Meet-Cute, Multi-chaptered rewriting as I reupload, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Social Media, Trolling, Tumblr, YouTube, vlogging - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-11 08:20:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 27,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12931314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poe/pseuds/Poe
Summary: It's Youtube Match Making Month and big name Youtubers have been matched based on location and interests, and assigned the task of making videos for one another. At least two videos a week, for a month, for a complete stranger. No other communication is allowed. When Steve and Bucky are matched, will it be a disaster waiting to happen?(Yeah boi it's back and being edited to be significantly less problematic than the first time I uploaded it, high fives all round.)





	1. brooklynboy92 uploaded a video

**Author's Note:**

> remember when this had 1,000 kudos and then my brain decided the best thing to do would be to delete my account? haha good times. anyway this is going to be updated once a day as i edit it and make it a tiny bit better than it was the first time around. enjoy?

                Steve would be the first to admit that his internet ‘fame’ had mostly been an accident. He’d been intrigued by Youtube, subscribed to a few people, alternated between watching time lapse drawings and kittens falling off things, didn’t really think much more of it than that.

                His first video, well, looking back on it, it’s pretty bad. He’d used his laptop camera, and the lights are low and he’s off centre and you can see his laundry stacked up on his bed behind him where he hadn’t been bothered to put it away yet. And he erms his way through his introduction, leaving dead air as he runs a hand through his hair and tries to figure out what to say. He ends up with the basics, that he’s twenty two years old, bisexual, an art student, aspiring artist, he’s interested in history and he lives in Brooklyn.

                Nobody watches it. He doesn’t know which tags to use and his description just sums up what he’s already said. He’d have given up the whole thing for a lost cause, if not for stumbling across a video on his Facebook of a gay couple being verbally abused on the subway.

                He posts a video response. It’s not the most eloquent thing he’s ever put together, even though he works off notes this time, but his clear, easy manner and the spark of anger and disappointment behind his eyes draws a few people to the video, not to mention the thumbnail, which, chosen at random by some algorithm, picks the exact moment he had stretched and his t-shirt had ridden up slightly.

                He gets a few comments, and he gets nervous checking them, he’ll admit, because he knows enough about the internet to know that any opinion can be met with hostility. But it’s mostly okay, and slightly embarrassing, with comments like _“Came for the thumbnail, stayed for the rational thinking”_ which has him scrambling to figure out how to change the icon because now he’s seen it and gah. He’s still not used to his post-growth spurt body, the way all his t-shirts seem too small now, and yeah, he goes to the gym, but all he does is pick up weights and put them down again.

                His friend, Sam, finds out about the video, and gives him some tips. Sam seems to be a jack of all trades and annoyingly good at all of them, and guides Steve through video editing, explaining that Steve could even insert some of the weird creatures he doodles in his spare time into his videos. Hey, it’d be a gimmick. And he explains how to tag his videos, and how to utilise the description box properly. He also tells Steve to invest in a decent camera, and for god’s sake, tidy his room before his next video.

                Steve wonders how Sam knows all this. Sam just shrugs, “I know a girl who knows a guy.” Sam knows everyone. When Steve goes for a run with Sam, they’re often stopped by someone calling Sam’s name. Sam is innately good natured and friendly, and currently volunteers at the VA working with soldiers with PTSD. Steve often wondered about being a soldier, but the idealised version he had of warfare bringing some semblance of peace, of there being good guys and bad guys, well, he can’t say he believes that anymore. So instead he enrolled in art school, though he still feels that twinge of _what if_.

                His next video is a mess of jump cuts. But he does use his new camera, and his bedroom is spotless and he lets the light shine through the window and it hits his cheekbones just so and the comments are definitely not about his chosen topic, which is about the anniversary of the Stonewall riots. Instead, there’s questions about how often he works out, does he have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and while he tries to steer the comments back to Stonewall, he can’t fight the tide of people who appear to be drooling over him. Which is, well, embarrassing.

                He mentions it to Sam the next time he sees him. Sam goes for a high five, and Steve weakly accepts, but blushes bright red.

                “Hey, they like you. How many hits did you get?” Sam asks.

                Steve mumbles something about a couple of thousand and Sam whistles. Steve has no idea if that’s good or bad, except that his previous two videos are getting more hits and comments now too, and people are subscribing.

                “At the end of your next video, ask for questions for a FAQ, then people should stop hassling you, or at least you’ll have somewhere to point them.” Sam suggests.

                “What about the, the inappropriate comments?” Steve asks, wanting to head desk but they’re in Starbucks and he’s pretty sure you can’t head desk in Starbucks.

                “Buy shirts that fit. Or go with it. Lots of teenagers out there want to see an attractive man talking about something he’s passionate about. Or anything, really. I mean, have you looked in the mirror lately? You’re a freaking Greek god.”

                “Argh.” Steve says, and does actually head desk, causing Sam to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

                “Baby, you’ll be a star.” Sam says, in an affected voice, and Steve can’t help but think this whole thing has been a big mistake.

                Until. He gets a message at 3AM, when he’s working on a sketch for his portfolio, and it’s from a kid, thirteen years old, who’s pretty sure he’s gay and he’s terrified. He says he’s kinda skinny and gets beaten up a lot, and Steve’s heart aches for him. The boy can’t tell his family, they’re strict Catholics and he doesn’t know how they’d react. He doesn’t say it in so many words, but it’s clear reading between the lines that he’s considering harming himself.

                Steve drops his sketchbook, reads the message over again and again, before writing a response. He explains how he was the skinny kid too, how he got beaten up a lot too (though in fairness he started half those fights), and how the realisation that he was bisexual knocked him back like a ton of bricks, how he’d tried to repress it, not look at boys that way, but then how he realised he had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. That there was nothing wrong with him. And there’s nothing wrong with the boy either. Steve writes that he doesn’t know if there’s a god or not, but if there is, he’s heard that he’s a loving kind of guy, and that there are a lot of people willing to take a few verses out of context. He doesn’t urge the boy to come out, but he does link to a bunch of websites and hot lines that can help him. He doesn’t want to sound clichéd, but he has to say it: it does get better. _If you can get through high school_ , he writes, _you can get through anything. Just keep your head held high and remember that you’re you, there’s nobody else like you in the world, and nobody has the right to belittle that_. He rewrites the message about ten times before sending it. His stomach twists in knots and he hopes he’s done the right thing.

                The next day, he wakes up early, before class, and writes a script for a video to make that evening. He decides to call it **You Are A Survivor: High School, Coming Out and How You Are Amazing**. He reiterates what he said in his message, but draws more on his own experience, and how art school is so, so different, and how he seen things change even within his life time. When he first came out, he couldn’t have imagined he’d be able to marry a guy. And now, look. He links to the same websites and help lines in his description and adds a note, that anyone can message him at any time, day or night, and he’ll try get back to them as soon as he possibly can. That there’s too much potential within everyone to be thrown away based on the words of bullies. He ends the video with the words: _You’re going to change the world, just wait and see_.

                After uploading the video, he goes to sleep.

                He wakes up to twenty thousand views. Apparently several blog sites linked to it. He’s heralded for his earnest honesty and the way he doesn’t pretend that things aren’t hard, but how he describes it as a fight worth fighting.

                The boy gets back to him a week later, his message more upbeat than the previous one. He told his best friend, who just looked at him like she’d known forever, and he’d called a help line, and the man on the other end had put him into contact with a local teen LGBT+ group, which he’d been to, nervous but excited, and yeah, things still sucked at school, but he wanted to thank Steve, because he could see the light at the end of the tunnel now.

                Steve breathed out a sigh of relief. This time when Sam high fived him in Starbucks, he accepted it readily. It felt like he’d found a platform where he could make a difference. It felt good.


	2. The WinterSoldier Uploaded A Video

                Bucky’s Youtube career also begins completely by accident. A veteran returned home from a war that seemed like it’d never end, and missing his left arm, his job options were limited ever so slightly more than they might have been beforehand.

                He’s funny though, with a smile that could charm men and women alike, that had gotten him out of trouble more times than he could count. And despite the whole arm thing, he’s kept his sense of humour.

                Learning to live with one arm is hard, like, stupidly hard. Before, if you’d asked him how he’d cope with one arm, he’d have shrugged and asked how hard it could be. Yeah, stupidly hard, turns out. Screw top jars are now the enemy.

                He makes a stupid video on his iPhone of all the things he can’t do now, and edits it together and sends it to Natasha to make her smile whilst she’s up to her eyeballs in work. She does something very complicated and secret for the government, and has told him that she literally would have to kill him if she told him. So, er, yeah. But she gets him, and she was there for the months when he’d learnt to readapt to civilian life, putting him into contact with groups for veterans and that. It had been helpful, though he’d never admit it to her face after the fuss he’d put up about going.

                He sends her the video though, of his struggles with modern life and it’s decidedly two handed approach to things, of him eying up a jar of pickles, of him looking at juggling balls and pouting, a sad black and white zoom in shot of his old guitar, sitting gathering dust, plinky plonky sad music played over the top. There’s a few more examples, and he ends the video with him sitting on the floor of his kitchen, the glass pickle jar smashed beside him, his jeans soaked in brine, and him eating a pickle. He doesn’t even particularly like pickles, or understand them, really (he’ll admit it blew his mind when he found out they were secretly cucumbers in disguise) but he was making a point, okay?

                Natasha rings him almost immediately after she’s received it, and all he can hear for several seconds is gasping laughter and he’s almost concerned because Natasha is very stiff upper lip sarcastic but no, she’s actually laughing.

                “Seriously, James.” She says, when she’s calmed down. “You should upload that to Youtube.”

                And he does. And it gets picked up by one of those pop-buzz-Facebook integrated sites and gets a ton of hits, and he can’t help it, he’s slightly proud. For the first time it feels like he’s owning his disability, rather than being limited by it, even if the video is mocking himself. It’s light hearted and he’s glad people _got_ it, and didn’t freak out about the whole lack of arm thing.

                He feels he can’t really top that, but it turns out, as the weeks go by, ideas fly at him from all directions, and he not only starts a series based around things he can’t do (and ingenious ways of getting around that fact, which normally involves breaking something, which is hugely satisfying), but he also starts talking about his life, after getting a ton of questions about his arm and how he lost it, about his life as a soldier and his PTSD (he’d only ever mentioned it in a comment, but people had picked up on it).

                He made videos about the pros and cons of a prosthesis, he chooses not to wear one currently, because he’s waiting on the next generation of awesome mind controlled ones, and he could never afford a decent one anyway. He’s okay with it though, though the stares bother him at times, he admits. But he’s still got that battlefield mentality, can walk into any room and scope out who’s a threat, who isn’t, and then either puff himself up to be the biggest badass around or all smiles and gentle flirting. Hey, it’s got him this far.

                The thing he doesn’t mention, doesn’t really think to mention, is his sexuality. It’s always been such a non-issue for him that it literally doesn’t occur to him at first. He never had a gay epiphany, more of a gay, oh, I like guys, that’s cool, they are kinda hot, which doesn’t sound so dramatic. But as time passes, it feels like he’s lying to his audience, but coming out now would be like admitting the lie. Catch 22 situation or what?

                He works in a book shop during the day, taking full advantage of the employee discount, and it’s okay. I mean, if he has to sell another copy of 50 Shades Of Grey he might punch something, he wants to lean over and hiss “You know there is porn on the internet, for free, and it is better than this, right? This is just abuse wrapped in expensive clothing.” But instead he smiles and ignores the way the customer is looking anywhere but his arm.

                Natasha comes by sometimes, leeches his employee discount and buys a frankly alarming amount of books about guns and the cold war and the USSR and always pays in cash and though he’s itching to know, he very much doesn’t want to be disappeared in the middle of the night, so he lets her have her scary books and picks up a cheesy superhero graphic novel for himself at the end of his shift.

                At some point, his channel shifts away from being the guy with one arm, to the guy who is both handsome and nerdy. People in the comments compliment his Firefly poster on the wall, or the figurines he has on his bookshelves. So he starts to talk about the nerd culture he’s found himself embedded in, as well as his life as a veteran. It’s a weird mix, but people seem to like it. His subscriber count rises steadily until he’s receiving actual cheques which allow him to pay his bills, which is a blessing because his book shop wages go mostly on books (a blessing and a curse, they got him good with that employee discount).

                He takes his camera out with him, wandering around Brooklyn, not really caring that people are staring as he talks to himself, because they were going to stare anyway. He films his favourite comic book store, and then urges everyone to go buy everything from it because the owner is lovely (she gives him free samples, she can’t resist the way his mouth crooks up when he smiles, it doesn’t occur to him that she doesn’t do this for everyone).

                He takes the camera when he gets a tattoo (partly a dare from Natasha, and partly because he’s always wanted another one, and there’s no time like the present). He sets the camera up on a tripod and then edits the video so it’s timelapsed, and the studio link it on their page, which is pretty damn cool.

                So life is pretty damn good for him. Lonely, at times, after getting back he found he’d lost contact with most of his friends, they’d moved on, or away, with jobs, babies, husbands and wives. He hangs out with Natasha, and her friend Sam (he’s sure there’s something going on there, but is scared to ask) and she teaches him dirty words in Russian and Sam talks about his work at the VA and invites Bucky along, no strings attached, so Bucky goes, because Sam seems nice, and his group isn’t as scary now Bucky’s been to the previous ones. He enjoys being around soldiers again, and though he wouldn’t wish it on anyone, he finds comfort in the fact he’s not the only one who wakes up screaming some nights, or the only one who feels the phantom aches of a limb that isn’t there anymore.

                So yeah, it’s all good. Life slips into a pattern of making videos and hanging out with Natasha or Sam or going to the group, or work. He’s not really looking for anything more, though sometimes he wishes there was a warm body beside him in bed, but who’s going to go for someone who makes their entire life public on the internet (and _mean_ it, he knows he’s got enough messages and comments proposing marriage, but really)?


	3. Inbox (1)

                The thing about receiving Youtube Partner emails is that no good normally comes from them. Whether it’s introducing mid-video adverts or some other method of squeezing every last penny of advertising revenue out of your content, or kindly informing you that your video has been removed because of some background music your neighbour was playing… anyway.

                The email pops into every Youtube Partner’s inbox at the same time. Steve sees it first thing, because he gets up early to run. Bucky sees it in the evening because early mornings are for people who hate themselves, clearly.

**_YOUTUBE MATCH MAKING MONTH_ **

**_As a Youtube Partner, you have been selected to participate in Youtube Match Making Month. You will be paired with another Youtube Partner, based on a Very Complicated algorithm which takes into account location, likes and content._ **

**_It’s really very simple! Once you receive the name of your partner, you can make a video introducing yourself. The idea is to introduce your subscribers to Youtubers they may be interested, and as a result help you get more subscribers._ **

**_It is expected for you to make at least two videos a week for your Match for the month. You can talk about whatever you like, though politeness counts! Try showing them a piece of your world, a slice of your life._ **

**_Please do not contact your Match outside of video communication, we want this to be a unique social experiment. No emails, no messages, no Skype! Anything you want to say must be uploaded to your channel!_ **

**_Good luck!_ **

 

*

 

                “Youtube are doing another Partner based thing.” Steve says to Sam, who runs beside him. “I’ve been matched with some guy, and I have to make videos talking to him about my life. As if I don’t do that anyway?”

                Sam slows his pace, and they come to a halt beneath a tall, leafy tree, and settle themselves on the grass.

                “So who have you been matched with?” Sam asks.

                “His username is TheWinterSoldier, I haven’t looked at his channel yet. What if he’s… you know, not very nice?”

                “The Winter Soldier, huh?” Sam smiles.

                “You heard of him?” Steve asks.

                “Yeah, little bit. Does some stuff on PTSD and the VA. He’s a good guy. Sorta dark and brooding, but wicked sense of humour with it. Not got as many subscribers as you, I don’t think. Lives around here, I think. Does vlogs walking around Brooklyn, at any rate.”

                “Huh.” Steve says.

                “Could be interesting.” Sam prompts.

                “So he’s not a Let’s Player or anything then, because that would have been awkward.”

                “Nope, no video games for him, as far as I’ve seen.” Sam confirms.

                “So what the hell do I say? I mean, he only has to look at my channel to know everything about me.”

                “Then try something new, something you haven’t talked about. Maybe watch his videos, see what he’s into, see if you’ve got some shared interests. Experiment a little. About time you brought something new to the table. A man cannot get by on tight t-shirts alone.”

                “Why am I friends with you?” Steve asks jokingly.

                “Because nobody else you know is willing to get up at six to jog with you?”

                “True.” Steve stands, and holds out a hand to pull Sam up. “Another go round?”

                “You trying to kill me?”

                “Would I do that?” Steve smiles innocently, and sets off, leaving Sam in his wake. Sam smiles to himself, before following Steve.

 

*

 

                “Natasha. Natasha. Answer your damn phone. Fucking. Youtube. Nat – “

                “I’m here, James, what’s the problem?” Her voice comes clear over the line.

                “Youtube have done this ‘match making thing’, which I’m not sure whether I’m even supposed to talk to you about, because Partner bullshit, but yeah. I’ve been matched with this All American, and yes, I’m using capital letters there, hunk of Greek god blondness and what. I’m supposed to make videos talking to him.”

                “He’s American and a Greek god?”

                “Whatever. Point is, he’s all earnest and looks like a puppy except if puppies had muscles like, I don’t even know. Big muscles. And used big words. And seemed genuinely unaware that they were adorable.”

                “I don’t know if puppies are aware if they’re adorable or not. They’re puppies.”

                “Natasha.”

                “Okay, I’ll play along. So what do you have to do?”

                “It’s like some speed dating shit, I have to make videos for him and he has to make videos for me. Oh and he’s bisexual. I mean, great, right? Do you think he’ll pick up on the whole gay thing? Because that’d be a fun way for me to come out, right? Outted by some guy I don’t even know. God, why didn’t I just mention it in my first video?”

                “Because you’re fundamentally useless, James Barnes. But I still love you. Who are you matched with anyway?”

                “Brooklynboy92. How uninspired is that? But yeah, I don’t know if he still lives in Brooklyn or not, be weird if he did. He’s got like, double the amount of subscribers I do.”

                “Do I detect a hint of jealousy?”

                “I’m secure in my Youtube lack of notoriety.”

                “That’s good to know.”

                “Natashaaaa, why don’t I have a normal job?”

                “You do, you work in a book shop.”

                “No, one that, oh you know what I mean. One that doesn’t make me do stupid stunts so Youtube gets more money out of me?”

                “You’re good at what you do, people like you.” Natasha reassures him.

                “I’m filling the one armed guy niche.”

                “I’ve read your comments, you’re filling lots of niches. You’ve got girls and guys going crazy over you. One armed or not.”

                Bucky winces.

                “You know how weird I find that, Nat.”

                “Well hush with the self-pity then. You do a good job with your mental health awareness stuff. And I’m now looking up this Brooklynboy92 and it looks like you’ll have a lot in common. He seems very politically and socially aware too.”

                “But that means he’ll know when I’m talking and I’m out of my depth.”

                “You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

                “Or you give me too much.”

                “Do you want me to come round and punch you, because I can clear my schedule?”

                “You can’t beat up an amputee!”

                “You can’t use that excuse forever, you know. I think it lost its currency after you spilt beer on me.”

                “Which time?”

                “Exactly.”            

                “I’m so glad you tolerate me. You’d be a scary enemy to have.”

                “I know, sweetie.”

                Bucky could hear the smirk in her voice.

                “So what the hell do I make my first video about?”

                “I have an idea, but I don’t think you’re going to like it.”

                “I’m listening.”

                “I think you should come out.”

                “Nat.”

                “Think about it, it’s out in the open then, you’re going to be getting a huge bump in subscribers from him, even if you do lose any, you’ll have new ones to cover the rough edges.”

                “I’m not thinking about subscribers.”

                “I know.”

                “I came out. In real life. Fun times. Everyone I know knows I’m gay. How many more times do I have to do it?”

                “Comes with the territory, as far as I can tell. But at least this way, it won’t be hanging over you anymore.”

                “I guess. I’ll think about it.”

                “Freak out over?” Natasha asks.

                “I’m circling ads on the job page as we speak.”

                “Just be yourself. And be honest.”

                “Easy to say when you don’t have two hundred and fifty thousand people watching you.”

                “Then pretend you’re just talking to me. Or this Brooklynboy92.”

                “That’s such a bad username.”

                “Oh, and TheWinterSoldier is so much better.”

                “I was a soldier and I like winter. So sue me.”

                “Anyway, go work on your script.”

                “I hate scripts. Can’t I just talk?”

                “I think you’ll want a script for this.”

                “ _Fine_.”

                “Goodbye James.”

                “Bye Nat.”

                Bucky hangs up and stares into space for a few minutes, before pulling his laptop towards him. He clicks back onto his Match’s channel page, clicks a video at random, and lets the man’s words wash over him. It seems unfair that a man built like that can be both eloquent and intelligent in the package. Bucky swears under his breath, clicks through a few more videos, before opening Word and starting to type.

                Coming out to two hundred and fifty thousand people? Shit. Writing the script takes him three hours and one tub of Cookie Dough icecream. When it’s finished, it sounds authentic, not as stilted as the first draft. He’ll record it tomorrow, ready for the start of the month. Get in early, give his Match something to respond to.         


	4. The WinterSoldier Uploaded A Video

                _“This is the hardest video I’ve ever had to make. It shouldn’t have to be. It shouldn’t even be an issue. That’s why I never even mentioned – see, it’s complicated._

_“You’re going to say that I’ve lied to you, or lied by omission. The thing is, I never meant to. Is it stupid to say it never occurred to me? It’s so much a part of me that, god, I don’t know, it didn’t seem worth mentioning. But I realise now that was wrong._

_“See, I’ve been Matched with this guy, Brooklynboy92, which, no offence, but terrible username. But apparently he’s quite popular, huh? Or you are, if I’m supposed to be talking directly to you. This is weird. So, I guess I’m going to address everyone, everyone watching._

_“Anyway, Brooklyn, as I’m going to call him, he’s bisexual. Which, no big deal right? In case you’re thinking that’s what’s freaking me out. It’s really, really not. He, you, talks about god, what’s the acronym these days? I’ll say LGBT+ and probably get yelled at in the comments. He talks about those sort of issues a lot, and that’s awesome, because I don’t think society is as accepting as it thinks it is. I think there are a lot of battles that still need to be won. For people like Brooklyn. And people, people like me._

_“God, it never gets any easier, does it? Here it is, I hope you’re paying attention because you think you’ll only ever have to do it once, but coming out, every new person you meet, you either have to tell them or wait for them to figure it out. So here goes._

_“I’m gay. Like, since I was a kid. Never even looked at a girl and thought, yeah, you know? Whew. Okay. I’m actually shaking. Thing is though, I’m not ashamed of it or anything. Never have been. I never had a gay crisis or anything, more of a gay shrug. Which is harder to do these days, heh. Sorry, can’t stop the one armed jokes. It’s what you’re all here for, after all._

_“So. Me. Gay. I know, I should have mentioned it earlier. But a part of me thinks, well, why should I have had to? Straight people don’t have to announce it, but apparently the gender of the person I find attractive matters to people when it’s the same as mine. It’s fucked up. Like, when people go after celebrities, like, asking when they’re going to come out. As if it matters to your life in the slightest, right? No offence, but your shot with them still averages at around zero per cent, regardless._

_“Sorry, I just. I know, it’s good for kids to have role models to look up to. When I was growing up, it was pretty much Elton John and Freddie Mercury. It wasn’t something to… I don’t know, it seemed alien because they acted in a way I couldn’t relate to. And that’s cool, everybody’s different, but I never, people don’t get that vibe off me. Or maybe they do. But you know something? I’ve read a lot of my comments, and it’s always, ‘hey Buck, got a girlfriend?’, like, me being gay isn’t even an option. Maybe because I was in the army. I don’t know._

_“I’ve always stuck to my corner of the web, never really sought out gay issues or anything. I mean, yeah, sometimes a guy has to visit certain websites, heh, but I guess my viewpoint is skewed by what I’ve seen in the media. I don’t seek out knowledge, and watching Brooklyn’s videos, I realise that’s a flaw. Something I should work on. Because there’s a shit load of injustice going on, people getting hurt and killed just because of who they love._

_“I guess I’ve led a lucky life. I’ve never had a slur thrown at me. Watching Brooklyn’s responses to homophobia, it’s genuinely upsetting. And hearing what you’ve been through, Brooklyn, personally, it sucks man. Big time. So I sort of had to do this video. Even if I’m saying all the wrong things._

_“What I want to say, what I mean by this, all of this, is that I want to do more. I know, I’ve just come out online and already I’m wanting to wave the flag and lead the crusade. What can I say, I jump in with both feet. Thing is, I don’t like bullies either. And Brooklyn, you shouldn’t have to fight this alone. So I’m on your six from now on. If you’ll have me._

_“To everyone watching I want to say what I never heard because it never occurred to anyone to tell me it. I want to say that you are amazing, brave, powerful. There is nothing wrong with you. Whether you like boys, girls, both, people who don’t fit into the neat gender binary we’ve invented, or you don’t feel attraction, it’s all good, you know? The world is changing, so, so fast. And we need you guys, to help. So I want you to all go and subscribe to Brooklyn, I’ll link him in the description and at the end of the video, and I want you to comment and tell me what I should be doing. What I can do to help. Because I’ve been damn lucky, nobody ever wanted to hurt me or anything. It’s sort of weird to even consider, that someone would want to. But people do. And I can’t stand by and let that happen, not anymore._

_“To anyone watching who’s considering unsubscribing because of who I am, or who has already clicked that button, or is already planning an ugly comment in your head, I have to ask you, why? You liked me as a one armed guy, you liked me when I talked about my damn PTSD, you liked my stupid rambles around Brooklyn. Hey, I never bumped into Brooklyn, what are the odds the next time I step outside he’ll be the first guy I bump into? But seriously. Think about why it upsets you. Is it a religious thing? Or does the idea of two guys, or two girls disgust you? Because, I gotta be honest, the idea of girl bits sort of freaks me out, like, it’s not attractive to me. My friend, she’ll send me straight porn and it’s just like, argh, don’t do that. But I don’t hate straight people. I definitely don’t care what they do in the bedroom, as long as I’m not involved. And yet, now I’ve said I’m gay, I bet you’ve got ideas in your head, a million questions and probably a few mental images too, right? What’s up with that?_

_“I’m not going to discuss my sex life on the internet, because seriously, there are boundaries. But I guess I can say I’m single, have been since you know, the arm thing and getting home. People can’t really see past the arm, which is ironic. Sorry. But yeah. If you have any comments beyond that, can I ask you keep them to yourself? Ask yourself, would you ask a straight person the same question? Really think about it._

_“So there it is. My big coming out video. Long overdue. Or not. I’ve still not made my mind up on that one. Has it changed your opinion of me? If so, why? I guess that’s the question I’m asking in this video: why? Why does it affect you in any way, unless you want to date me? And hey, little creepy there, dial it back a bit. Ha. Sorry._

_“So, Brooklyn, this has been my video. Honestly, I wasn’t planning on baring my soul like this, I was going to do something funny and stupid, or maybe walk around the neighbourhood, but my friend suggested it, and yeah. It seemed important. It is important. In a weird sort of way, where there’s importance placed on the wrong things. Let’s look at the countries that fucking kill gay people, rather than hassling celebrities about their private lives. How about that? Let’s do that._

_“Anyway, I’ve been Bucky Barnes, I’m still the same guy I was before you clicked this video, just you know something more about me now. And it’s a really boring thing. Really, it is. So boring it didn’t occur to me to mention it. And maybe that’s how it should be. But I understand how representation is important – Brooklyn, can you help a guy out? I guess that’s my question to you, is representation more important than normalisation? And what can I do to help out? Signing off now. Love you all.”_

Bucky clicks the camera off, and takes a long deep breath. He holds it for a moment, as he was taught to do at the VA, and he feels the butterflies in his stomach slowly dissolving. He transfers the video to After Effects, messes with the lighting a bit. Doesn’t jump cut or edit anything out. He meant every word, and he wants every word to be heard. He waits for the video to render, eating last night’s Chinese, which is not exactly terrible but not fantastic, and then hears the jingle that tells him it’s finished. He watches it over, trying not to cringe, checking for glitches or whatever, before clicking over to Youtube and clicking his Upload Your Video bookmark. He drags the file over, and watches as it slowly transfers over. He writes a description, adds about a million tags, and links to Brooklynboy92. And then he leaves the computer running, to upload, and gets ready for bed.

                Before he closes the curtains, he looks out at the night sky, the same night sky he shares with this Brooklyn guy, and shakes his head. Whatever the morning brings, the good, the bad, he’ll face it the way he always does. Head on. 


	5. brooklynboy92 uploaded a video

_“Hey Bucky, can I call you Bucky? I’ll admit I was a little nervous entering this experiment Youtube’s thrust upon us, but having watched your video, I must say I couldn’t be happier to be matched with you._

_“I don’t know what I expected, to be honest. I figured I’d probably have to grit my teeth and get through it, but you know something? It’s completely the opposite. I want to get to know you._

_“So, you’re not a Let’s Player, which, you know, phew, because I know absolutely nothing about video games except my friends can beat my ass at Mario Kart any day of the week. They think it’s hilarious. I guess I should ask if you play any games? I guess it must be harder, but I know you can get adapted control systems. I have a friend, he works with veterans, I asked him, he kind of looked at me like, well, obviously, you know? He told me about a company that went out of its way to map the controls for one player so he could keep playing a game he loved – I think that’s great._

_“Anyway, I’m completely avoiding the main topic, not deliberately, I just don’t want this video to just be capital G gay stuff, you know? Because you’re right, it’s not the most important thing in the world._

_“I mean, you’re incredibly brave to come out. Anyone who comes out is incredibly brave. No matter who you’re coming out to. That burny feeling you get in your stomach when you know you have to tell someone for the first time, I’ve been there. I guess I’m lucky, being bi, I can kind of go stealth mode if I want to. Sort of stupid that that’s even a thing though._

_“The first person I came out to wasn’t a person, it was my dog, Charlie. He was old, a Labrador, his hearing was mostly gone but we’d had him since he was a puppy and I’ll admit, I was scared. I got beat up a lot, just because I was small and I guess I gave off that ‘vibe’, you know. I hate bullies. I mean, I started a fair few fights myself, I mean, looking back, I was ninety pounds soaking wet, I don’t know what I was thinking, but when someone would trip some kid up in the corridor, I’d go rushing in. Earned more than my fair share of black eyes for that. But anyway. When I realised I was looking at men the same way I was looking at women, that all the slurs, that the bullies were right, it was like the world had turned against me. Like it was deliberately making my life as difficult as possible. So I was sat on my bed, and Charlie pads in, and curls up next to me, and I just hugged him, and I cried for what seemed like forever, like ugly crying, it wasn’t pretty, and I whispered to him, I like boys, I like boys, I like boys. And he didn’t care, just nudged my hand with his wet nose because he wanted me to scratch him behind the ears._

_“Saying it out loud, hearing myself say it, it helped. I felt sick, but it felt like a weight off my chest. In a way, it gave me ammunition. I was in on the secret, and whilst I don’t believe the bullies truly knew, it let me hold my head higher when I walked past them, because I thought to myself, yeah, they can say those things, that I’m gay, but I know I’m not, not completely, and so what if I was? Is that the worst they can throw at me? It suddenly seemed laughable, that they’d thought about it more than I had._

_“I told my friends a few months later. I wish I could say they were surprised, but I guess I’m just another cliché kid whose friends just shrug and say they always knew. Was it like that for you? I guess not, if you’ve looked like that your entire life. I mean, the gods of puberty were incredibly kind to me, but I get the feeling you’ve always looked, well. My friend says she thinks you’re hot. For what it’s worth. And reading the comments you get, yeah, I’m really thinking you never had an awkward phase._

_“I’m lucky in as much as we were too poor to own a digital camera so the only photos of me as a teenager are on film and bad luck, I’m not scanning them in. I’m still not used to not being the little guy, my ma, she always said I was a kitten trying to be a lion. I guess I grew into myself._

_“I don’t even know what I’m saying. This was supposed to be about representation and your coming out, and instead I’m taking you on my journey through puberty. I didn’t write a script for this, it felt more natural to just talk. Kinda regretting that now._

_“Though seriously, regarding celebrities and the need the public seems to have for them to come out, I think part of it stems out of innocent curiosity, another part stems from desperately wanting to be able to relate to someone in the limelight, to be validated, to know you’re okay, that you can bounce around the Kinsey scale and still get on in life. But there’s some people, I don’t think their motives are that pure. Like the magazines that constantly tell women they’re too fat or too thin, I think there’s a part of the media that wants their noses in everyone’s business, wants to know exactly what’s going on in the bedroom. And that’s wrong._

_“Another thing you mentioned was that people are still, still in this day and age, being killed for who they love. I’ve linked to a list of charities and organisations that are actively fighting against this in the description. There will come a time, I am sure, when people will look back and be bewildered by the arbitrary rules we as a society have set down, sadly we’re not there yet though._

_“I’m sorry to see you got hate on your video. It makes me really angry. See, what you did, coming out, there was no malice to that. It took guts. And people acting like you should have ‘told the truth’ earlier, like it’s anything to do with them? Though I’m happy to see the top comments are all supportive, and it looks like you wouldn’t be hurting for a date if you were so inclined any time soon._

_“I want to talk a bit about how you were in the army – I’ve watched all your videos now, my friends keep giving me funny looks when I laugh at something you’ve said, but yeah, I want to say I really admire you risking your life to protect people. I nearly joined the army, but I realised, despite all the fights I’ve been in, I’m not, I don’t know, I think I’d have been too scared to make the wrong decision when it counted. So, thank you, for your service, I’m sorry it came at such a cost, but I’m glad you’re still around, that you lived to tell the tale._

_“I can’t believe we both live in Brooklyn and have never bumped into each other. What are the odds of that? I guess the fact we’re both holed up making videos all day might have something to do with it, heh. Maybe I should take a leaf out of your book and document my days more? They’re pretty dull though, I’m a bit of a hermit, if it weren’t for my friends I’d probably never leave my apartment except to buy groceries. Hey, maybe for my next video I’ll show you a bit of my life. And I’d like to see more of yours, if that’s okay. I’d like to hear more about the comics you like, I admit to being a bit of a geek in that department myself, I’ve done some work for the industry before, nothing big, I don’t like getting tied down to projects, so you probably won’t, well, definitely won’t have seen any of my work, most likely. But hey, they taught me how to draw. I remember begging my mom to buy me the latest Superman and then going home and painstakingly copying out the panels. Kept me quiet._

_“So I guess that’s my video, and you can call me Steve. And yeah, I know my username is terrible, in my defence, I only made it so I could watch cat videos. Bye for now.”_

                Steve finishes the video with a little wave, clicks off the camera and then buries his head in his hands. He can feel how red his cheeks are. He feels like a total goofball, and he’s sure that came across. After watching TheWinterSoldier, no, Bucky’s video to him for the first time, he’d felt that fluttery feeling in his stomach he’d missed for a while now. A complete stranger had opened up to him, and damn, if he hadn’t hit all the right buttons, passionate and curious and, yes, Steve is ashamed to admit, attractive all in one perfectly formed bundle. God, he was too old for this, too old to fall for some guy on the internet.

                He clicks through the video he just filmed. Thankfully, the light fell on him just so so that his cheeks didn’t look too pink. He types up his description in Notepad before dragging the video across to upload. He was going for an unedited approach to this, he wanted it to be honest. He feels he owes it to Bucky, who was so honest with him despite what it might have cost him in subscribers. Hopefully some of Steve’s subscribers will trickle over. He clicks over to Bucky’s page, and yep, he’s definitely got more than before. That’s something at least.

                The video finishes uploading, and he watches it through again, wincing at his own awkwardness. Bucky Barnes, at this rate, may just be the end of his Youtube career as he knows it.


	6. Share on Tumblr

**steveandbucky.tumblr.com**

_Fanblog for Youtubers brooklynboy92 and TheWinterSoldier._

_We aim not to be creepy._

brooklynboy92’s channel

TheWinterSoldier’s channel

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**steveandbucky.tumblr.com**

How adorable was Steve in his video to Bucky? Place your bets now ladies (and gentlemen), is there a Youtube romance in the air?

**youtubeislife** _reblogged this_

**cuteboyskissing** _reblogged this_ _from **steveandbucky** and added: _ They’d be super adorable together.

 **arewedriftcompatible** _reblogged this from **steveandbucky** and added: _Isn’t fetishizing their relationship (of which we have no proof) exactly the sort of thing they’d hate?

**251 notes**

*

 

                “Natasha. Natasha. Natasha. Natasha.” Bucky repeated, trying to get her attention as she braids her hair, fingers moving quickly in complicated little flicks. She glances at him and gestures for a hair tie before answering him.

                “What, James?” She says, tying off the end of her braid, and checking it in the mirror. As with most things she does, it’s perfect.

                “Have you watched my Match’s video yet? The Steve guy?”

                “The Steve guy whose playlists you keep going through like some lovestruck teenager?”

                “Yeah, I mean, no. But Steve.”

                “I have seen the video, yes.”

                “Erm. Good. What did you think of it?”

                “He seems nice. What do you want me to say, James?”

                “Nothing.” He says, massaging the nub of his shoulder, a nervous habit.

                “Leave it,” Natasha says, batting his hand away, “you’ll make it sore.”

                Bucky bites his lip instead.

                “What do you think of him?” She asks Bucky, and he accidentally bites down a bit too hard, tasting the copper taste of blood. He should really invest in some lip balm. He licks the blood away in lieu of answering.

                “You are hopeless. You want me to do you?” She sighs.

                “Huh?” Bucky looks up.

                “Your hair. Come on, shove over.” She sits behind him and brushes through his hair, separating the strands. He practically purrs as her hands move across his scalp.

                It’s easier to talk to her when he’s not looking at her, so he says:

                “I like that he didn’t make a big deal of the gay thing.”

                “Why would he?” Natasha asks, distracted.

                “I don’t know, I was just worried. Like I was stepping on his toes or something. My video was a mess.”

                “Your video was perfect.” Natasha says, and pulls a strand of hair a bit too tight to punish him.

                “Hey! Not cool. But you know what I mean. Hey, he likes comics! Like, he said he’s actually done some work for I guess, some companies before, that’s pretty cool, huh?”

                Natasha hums in agreement, folding a fiddly bit over and drawing more hair into a neat French braid.

                “Do you think I could find what he’s done? It’d be pretty cool to see what he’s done.”

                “Slightly creepy there, James. Anyway, haven’t you been on his art tumblr?”

                “The rules said no contact outside of videos.”

                “Oh, because you follow rules so well.”

                “I was in the army.”

                “Look, go on his tumblr, all his stuff’s on there. Youtube doesn’t have snipers trained on you, you know.”

                “I guess, but it feels like cheating.”

                “Hair tie.” Natasha says, and Bucky passes her one.

                “Go look in the mirror, let me know what you think, I did it a little different this time.”

                Bucky gets up and inspects himself in the mirror. His hair is pulled back, though his bangs stubbornly pull themselves free and drape themselves around his face. Natasha has braided smaller sections from the side of his head into larger sections, and the final look is almost post-apocalyptic.

                “You are a goddess.” He says, plonking himself back down beside Natasha.

                “I’ve heard it all before.”

                “Oh really? And who’s been whispering that in your ear? Not Saaaaammmmm?”

                She pokes him in the ribs and he barks out a laugh.

                “Ha, it was Sam, wasn’t it? I knew it, I knew it! Sam thinks you’re a goddess. Oh. Oh. Sam thinks you’re a goddess. Aww, Nat, that’s brilliant!”

                “Hush you. He was drunk at the time. Drunken confessions don’t count.”

                “I’m at my most honest when I’m drunk.”

                “You’re a terrible drunk. You start off all happy, then get handsy, then get maudlin and then I find you passed out on a pile of coats. And you bitch about hangovers like nothing else. Do not talk to me about you and your drunkenness.”

                “Nice deflection, Nat. On a scale of you, you being completely sober no matter how much vodka you consume, and question for another time: how, and me, who you seem to know only too well, how drunk was he?”

                “Probably closer to me than you. Though he did start rambling about how awesome it’d be to be able to fly. And then he puked in a potted plant.”

                “We’ve all done that.”

                “Boys.” She tuts.

                “Boys are awesome.”

                “Any boys in particular? Any blond boys you’re definitely not crushing on? Who happen to live locally? No? That’s a shame. You should get a boyfriend. I could set you up with a nice guy.”

                “I don’t want you to set me up. I want to find someone who wants to go out with me despite everything. It has to be natural. Not forced.”

                “Huh.”

                “Hey, reckon I should do my next video with this hairdo?”

                “Definitely.”

 

*

 

**steveandbucky.tumblr.com** _reblogged steverogersart_

[pencil sketch of Bucky obviously based on a screencap from one of his videos]

 

_Hmm, look who our Stevie’s been drawing…_

**1,043 notes**

*

 

                “Steve? If you’re there, pick up.” Steve sets his sketchpad aside, and scrambles for his phone, cutting off the answering machine and Sam’s voice.

                “Sam?”

                “I think you should possibly check your tag on tumblr. And Bucky’s.” Sam says carefully.

                “Is it bad?”

                “Not bad, just, you know what the internet is like.”

                Steve clicks over to tumblr and sees his latest sketch, a quick study of Bucky, has gained a ton of notes overnight. He scrolls through the reblog notes, pausing when someone has added a comment.

                _Someone definitely has a crush._ Says one reblog. Steve groans. Ah, shit.

                “You’ve seen it?” Sam asks.

                “Just a comment on one of my drawings.”

                “The drawing of Bucky?”

                “Is that what you were ringing about?”

                “Dude, not even close. Did you search yourself yet? People are shipping you.”

                “They’re what?”

                “Oh come on, you’ve been on the internet how long? They think you should be in a relationship.”

                “A relationship? With who?”

                “Bucky, genius.”

                “But I don’t know him.” Steve is perplexed.

                “No, you just called him handsome about five times in your video and then drew a damn picture of him. Give the internet an inch, Steve, remember?”

                “Argh.”

                “You really don’t think these things through, do you?”

                “Argh. I just thought he had an interesting face.”

                “Well the fangirls are going crazy for it.”

                “Argh.”

                “Don’t ‘argh’ me. Do you like him?”

                “I don’t _know_ him.”

                “Don’t give me that. I’ve seen how many times you’ve watched his videos.”

                “What people show to the world on Youtube isn’t who they actually are.”

                “I reckon his videos are pretty true to life.” Sam says.

                “You can’t know that. He could be a serial killer for all we know.”

                “Ah yes, so many serial killers use Youtube to talk about the latest Funko Pop Vinyl ranges.”

                “They _might_.”

                “Face it, Steve, he’s a born and bred Brooklyn geek and you have a massive crush on him. And lucky for you, he’s gay too. What’re the odds?”

                “Why am I friends with you?”

                “Because I make really good pancakes.”

                “That is true.”

                “Are you going to be okay or are you going to spend the rest of the day scrolling through your tag on tumblr?”

                “I actually have a drawing to finish.”

                “Of anyone in particular?”

                “Shut up.”

                “You love me really.”

                “Bye, Sam.”

                “Bye, you hopeless excuse for a functioning human being.”

                “Oi.” Steve says, but Sam’s already hung up.

                Steve scrubs his hands through his hair, and turns back to his computer screen. Half of him itches to scroll through tumblr and see what people are saying about him, but what’s the old saying? Ignorance is bliss. So instead he picks up his sketchpad, clicks back over to Photoshop where a screencap of Bucky smiles back at him, and goes back to carefully pencilling the crinkles around Bucky’s eyes.

                It’s not a crush. Okay. It’s a crush. But people get crushes all the time. Only normally, the internet doesn’t have something to say about it. Argh.


	7. The WinterSoldier Uploaded A Video

_“So, my last video was a thing that happened. Wow. They say things get easier with repetition, but I could come out a thousand times and it’d still feel as awkward as the first time. I guess there’s always that worry that someone’s really not going to like what you have to say, and that really freaking sucks. But it’s out there now, in the world. Which – maybe that means I never have to come out again? I don’t know._

_“Regarding your video, Steve, and it feels weird to call you Steve, you’ve been Brooklyn in my head since we were matched, but yeah. Steve, it suits you better I guess. Being your name and all. I’ll start off by answering your questions, then I’ll start my own interrogation. Okay?_

_“I don’t really play video games, apart from a few on the Wii that let you play with one hand. I like board games though, I will destroy your hopes and dreams when it comes to Monopoly, and I play a mean game of Scrabble. I guess I’m a bit old school. You know what? I’d love to play Cards Against Humanity with you, you never get the measure of a man ‘til you’ve seen what he’ll put down for that. My friend, Nat, she is like, the worst human being in the world if you base it off the cards she plays. It’s absolutely hilarious._

_“Hey, without sounding like a creepy creeper, maybe when this is all over we can meet up, you can meet my friends and I can meet yours, and we’ll play a few hands? I bet you’re secretly evil. The boy scout looking ones always are._

_“Listening to your coming out story, I mean, wow. I mean, I don’t even know what to say. I could have teared up when you mentioned how you told your dog first, but I’m very manly and I just needed to sneeze. There were no tears._

_“I never had a dog, or any pets. I always wanted, like a dog, I guess, one of those mutts you can’t tell what it’s supposed to be but always has a goofy grin on its face? Can’t really have one in my apartment though, wouldn’t be fair on it. And I’d hate leaving it alone to go to work._

_“Oh my god puberty. I can’t believe you mentioned that. I’m flattered, I think, but I will tell you I used to look like a potato. Seriously, up until like, sophomore year, I was just Potato Barnes. At some point I grew cheekbones, thank god, but yeah. Potato Barnes. Not a good look. Never uploading my school photos, though now I really want to see yours. No way were you ever the ‘little guy’._

_“I didn’t really think I got much hate, it pretty much comes with the territory really. A lot more people said good things than bad. Thanks guys._

_“The army – that was just something I had to do, it was in my blood. My dad served, and my cousins, they’re pretty much all out there, fighting the good fight, and about what you said about making the wrong decision? When it counts, there’s no time to think. You just rely on your instincts. Sometimes it was like watching someone else. Just getting everyone back safe and sound after each mission was a victory. Until one day it wasn’t._

_“I’m lucky I was the only one hurt. I don’t think I could live with myself if anyone had died. I consider losing my arm a small price to pay to have the rest of my squad all alive and well. And I’m glad I’m still here, too._

_“So, despite having tempted fate, we haven’t bumped into each other yet, which sort of sucks, but would it be breaking the rules if it was an accident? No contact outside of videos? You gotta watch the Youtube snipers, man. And I say that as an ex-sniper. We’re sneaky._

_“Comic book wise I’ll read pretty much anything. I grabbed the Firefly graphic novels as soon as I could, and of course there’s Watchmen and V For Vendetta. Alan Moore is a genius. I love watching his interviews, his mind just seems absolutely fantastic. Last Blood is a good online comic, I think it’s been abandoned now, which is a real shame. I tried to get into Phonogram but just couldn’t, but I love The Wicked & The Divine so far. Claudia’s Story, the Interview With A Vampire graphic novel is possibly the most beautiful graphic novel I’ve ever seen, the art is amazing, though I say that as someone who thinks anything beyond a stick figure is worthy of high praise. I’d love to see more of your art. I watched your time lapse videos – I can’t believe how you make the people look so alive on paper, it’s insane. I feel like I should bow down to your talent or something. And the fact you’ve worked in the industry, Jesus, are you trying to make me jealous?_

_“I’m sorry for saying your terrible username is terrible. And cat videos, really? Oh, Steve. Haha._

_“Okay, so I guess I should ask you some questions, so… what do you do for fun? I don’t know, it feels like we’re speed dating or something. You come here often? Ha. So, how did you get into this whole Youtube thing? I sort of did it by accident, my friend, who I mentioned earlier, Nat, she told me to upload a video I made. And it sort of snowballed from there. Your first video is sort of adorable, I’m amazed you haven’t taken it down. Could you be anymore awkward in it? No, it’s cool, it’s honest._

_“So yeah. I’m going to go. Thanks for watching, and I’ve been Bucky Barnes, as always.”_

                He likes Steve, more than he’ll admit to himself, likes how Steve has the body of a jock but the mind of someone far more thoughtful. Quite likes how he always wears a t-shirt that seems to be a size or two too small for him. Way out of Bucky’s league, of course, Bucky shook his head. He makes to run his hand through his hair before remembering the braids Natasha put in. Okay, Steve’s totally going to take the piss out of that. Ah well. He’s got a feeling Steve’s got sass for days if you only goad him enough, and Bucky feels up to the task. And yeah, he meant what he said about asking Steve over for a card game.

                He uploads the video, watching the bar count its way to one hundred per cent, and then watches it back. Coming out is tough, but Steve was cool about it, and the response wasn’t as bad as he’d feared. All in all, coulda been worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're reading this in one go, this is a mandatory rest stop. go drink something, stretch, and then come back.


	8. brooklynboy92 uploaded a video

_“I want to say, coming out isn’t easy, man, and hey, the internet is a big place, so maybe you’re done now. I don’t know – reading the comments, seems people had a lot of love to give and that was really heartening to read. And hell, anyone could tell how nervous you were, I’m surprised you didn’t fumble your words more. Buck, you’re only human, and it’s human to be afraid sometimes. It’s all good._

_“I’m glad my, you know, real life name lives up to your high standards. Heh. Bucky’s a pretty unusual name though, is it a nickname or is there a story there?_

_“I looked up Cards Against Humanity and I am shocked and appalled. I thought you were a nice person! Kidding, but god, I can just see my friends playing that. I’ve got a friend, called Nat, too, actually, Natasha, who would probably be absolutely wicked. As for other board and card games, I’m told I’m pretty terrible at them, I have no poker face at all. I’m a terrible liar too. I have an honest face, which I guess is good, but got me into a lot of trouble when I was a kid and trying to tell my mom I hadn’t gotten into another fight. She always knew. I guess it was pretty obvious, I mean, I was clumsy, but I couldn’t have tripped that often. She was a nurse though, so she always patched me up and told me to stop antagonising the other kids. Like it was my fault!_

_“I just, yeah, I didn’t like bullies, still don’t. If a guy starts acting aggressive towards a woman at a bar, I’ll step in. I don’t get punched so much anymore though, luckily, but my friend, Sam, he’s had to pull me back a couple of times. Makes me sound like a brawler or something, but it’s just, I’ve been the one getting called names or being intimidated, I don’t want it happening to anyone else._

_“I’d love to play Cards Against Humanity against you, though, you can bring your friends and I’ll bring mine, I don’t think I’m secretly evil, I mean, I might be, this might all just be a cunning façade. I was actually a boy scout though, until I found out about the whole anti-gay thing. I think I cried for like, five hours, and handed back my sash without a word. I didn’t tell them why, but they probably guessed._

_“I always grew up with a dog or a cat, my mom couldn’t resist taking in strays, when people moved out and couldn’t take their animals with them, you know? We’d take them in. I think at one point we had five cats._

_“So I guess your coming out story was less dramatic than mine? I guess it just goes to show the spectrum of, I guess, what you expect, when life throws something like that at you. And I’m sure you’re very manly._

_“I feel a mighty urge to see Potato Barnes. I honestly cannot believe you ever looked like a potato, or any type of vegetable, unless there’s a type of vegetable that has amazing cheekbones? Erm. You’re not a vegetable. Or any type of food product. Erm._

_“And I was definitely ‘the little guy’, and with all the anger that stereotypically comes with it. You’d have hated me. No wonder I only had a couple of friends, I was just a bundle of rage in a very small package. I’ve calmed down a lot more now, mostly, I mean, words work better than fists, generally. But my friends might disagree._

_“I think you don’t do yourself justice, talking about your army days. I mean, I don’t have the words to say it, just, I can’t imagine being out there, the constant danger and stress, and god, I think about you being out there and it scares me, even though I know you’re safe now. Does that make any sense? Is that stupid?_

_“I don’t believe in the Youtube snipers. I’m sure an innocent meeting would be fine. But I did try to message you, I admit, and my message was blocked. They’re not stupid. I just wanted to send you a song I heard on the radio, but ah well. My taste is a little old fashioned, but it reminded me of you._

_“Thanks for the comic recommendations, I’ve ordered a bunch of them off Amazon, and read all of Last Blood in one go – I admit I’m not a zombie fan, but it really drew me in. The abrupt end is a shame though. As for my art, it’s just a hell of a lot of practice. I think there are some people who are naturally gifted, but they’re in the minority, I think the rest of us just work really damn hard at it, and slowly you get there, you know? As for my work in the industry, I’ll try scrounge up some of the work I’ve done, my filing system is pretty terrible, but I’m sure I’ve got it on a hard drive somewhere._

_“I like cat videos. I guess, growing up with cats, you get the impression that they think they’re better than you, so it’s sort of funny to watch them fall of things? Stupid, I know._

_“What do I do for fun? I hang out with my friends, I draw, I make Youtube videos, I go jogging, I’ll admit to going on tumblr, mainly for inspiration and to share my own art. And Youtube, I don’t know, I made my introduction video as sort of… I just wanted to connect, you know? I wanted to be one of those people who could speak in front of a camera without fluffing their words, so I guess it gave me confidence and it helped me get my art out there. And hopefully I’ve helped a few people too, in some small way._

_“I didn’t script this video either, it feels more natural somehow. And Buck, you’re  a genuinely good guy, and hopefully your honesty – no, that’s not the right word, because coming out isn’t to do with being honest, sometimes it’s dangerous and staying closeted, and god I hate that term, is the safest option, but hopefully it’s helped a few people. I know it would have helped me, back in the day. That sounds... yeah, I don’t know. Guru Bucky, helping tiny Steve find his way? Okay, that went to a weird place so I’m going to go now. Oh! Loving the hair.”_

                Steve feels exhausted, and exhilarated. He sets the video to upload, typing in the title and description, and then sets about something he is sort of hoping will work. He switches his camera on, and records another video. Once the first video has finished uploading, he uploads the second video as unlisted, and sends it to Bucky. He’s amazed when it isn’t blocked, but hey, he guesses it still counts as video communication.

                It’s a short video, but it holds some very important information, more precisely, his Skype username, and an invitation for Bucky to message him, any time, day or night. He doesn’t know what it is about the other man that has him head over heels, Bucky’s bravery, his honesty or just his sense of humour, or the adorable way his mouth quirks when he smiles. Whatever it is, Steve really wants to talk to him in real time.


	9. Skype (1)

                _JamesBuchanan_ rings _brooklynboy92_ on Skype at eleven on Sunday morning, on the off chance. Steve scrambles as his computer plays the familiar jingle, and he clicks Accept and after a few seconds, there Bucky is, dressed in a tank top and his hair mussed, the seemingly permanent dark circles under his eyes. Bucky waves and Steve waves back, feeling suddenly incredibly shy.

                Bucky breaks the silence.

                “So, this is weird, huh?” He laughs and his white teeth show and Steve feels his heart speed up, and he rubs a hand through his hair and tries to think of something to say.

                “A bit.” He says, staring at the video screen, at Bucky, who is lounging on what appears to be his bed.

                “I was surprised, when, you know, you sent me the video. Didn’t take you to be a rule breaker.” Bucky continues, words seeming to come free and easy to him.

                Steve grins at that, can’t help himself.

                “I guess you don’t know me that well then.” He says.

                “I guess not. Though, this might sound crazy…” Bucky begins.

                “Go on.” Steve prompts.

                “I think your best friends might be my best friends.” Bucky says. “Natasha and Sam, right? Romanoff and Wilson?”

                Steve raises one eyebrow.

                “Have you been stalking me?” He asks, only half-joking.

                “No, I’m serious. Hang on.” Bucky shifts so he can use the mouse pad and clicks around until it pings up on Steve’s screen that a file is being sent through. Steve accepts it, and opens the image, which shows Bucky, Natasha and Sam at the beach, Bucky and Sam topless and draped around Natasha who looks adorably petite in a blue sundress. Steve’s eyes flick across Bucky’s body without his consent and he feels his blush grow.

                “Believe me now?” Bucky breaks Steve out of his reverie.

                “That’s my Sam and Natasha all right.” Steve says. “How the hell have I never met you?”

                “That’s what I’m wondering. Seems to me we’d get on quite well, I don’t get it.” Bucky shrugs lopsided, and Steve’s heart skips a beat. Everything about the damn man is adorable.

                “Maybe we have met but don’t remember it? God, this is going to drive me mad. I’m sure I’d remember you.” Steve says, eyes drawn back to the photo. He clicks it shut, and focuses on the real time Bucky he has on screen.

                “I think you’d remember me somehow, punk. How many veterans with missing limbs do you hang out with?”

                “I guess. I’m sorry. Yeah.”

                “Don’t be sorry, I’m just messing with you. I’m just annoyed at them. Like, it took Youtube for us to meet each other and, oh my god, I have actually talked about you with them! They totally knew. Oh, that is just not cool.” Bucky looks incredibly frustrated. Steve laughs.

                “I’ve talked to them about you too. Hey, they’ve seen my drawing of you, didn’t say anything. Not about knowing you, anyway.”

                “Those – wait, you drew me?” Bucky looks intrigued.

                Steve immediately wants to take back his previous sentence, feeling suddenly incredibly creepy.

                “You have an interesting face.” He tries.

                “Aww, man, you have to show me this drawing. Did you make me look dashingly handsome?”

                _You manage that on your own_ , Steve thinks but thankfully his brain lets him keep it to himself.

                “Okay, but don’t be offended. I know some people don’t like how they look when they’re drawn. I should have asked you first.”

                “Show me the picture, punk, I swear. I’ve seen your art, I’m sure it’s amazing. Well, it’s gotta be, it’s me, after all.”

                “So modest.” Steve laughs, and pastes a link to the tumblr post of the finished drawing. He watches as Bucky clicks to open it and then the crow of delight as Bucky’s eyes light up. Steve plans a happy dance party later just for that expression.

                “Steve, that is amazing. Is it from one of my videos? How did you… wow. I’m in awe. Officially in awe.”

                “It’s nothing, really. I really want to draw you with your hair how you had it in your last video, if you’ve got any good photos of it.”

                “That was just Nat playing around, she loves playing with my hair. I could get her to do it again and you could come over and draw it and - what the fuck?” Bucky interrupts himself.

                “What?” Steve blurts out.

                “Have you seen the notes on this?” Bucky says, obviously scrolling through them.

                “Er, yeah. It’s tumblr, apparently that’s sort of normal.”

                “Steve, they’re shipping us. They’re saying you have a massive crush on me.”

                “Erm, yeah. I’ve been told to ignore it all. You probably should too.”

                “Nah, they’re just… jumping the gun a bit. One drawing does not a crush make. Hang on, there’s fanfiction about us?”

                “ARGH.” Steve says, loud enough for Bucky’s speakers to crackle. Bucky smirks, and keeps clicking. His eyes dart from side to side, reading.

                “Hey, they’re pretty inventive. I don’t think I can manage that position anymore though.” He comments absent mindedly.

                “Argh.” Steve repeats.

                “Sssh, I’m reading erotic fiction about myself and a hot guy, you know how often I get the opportunity to get that?”

                Steve’s brain kicks into overthinking mode. Bucky called him hot. A hot guy. Steve’s pretty sure you could fry eggs on his forehead, given the blush he must be giving off.

                Bucky looks up, notices.

                “Hey, punk, you’ve gone all red.”

                “You’re reading _porn_ about us. Jerk.” Steve defends himself.

                “It’s very flattering. _‘Bucky eyed Steve’s erection, eyes wide. He looked up at Steve. “Steve,” he murmurs, “I don’t think I can take it all.”’_ ” Bucky reads, looking at Steve through the webcam.

                “Argh.” Steve tries, because apparently that’s all he can manage right now.

                “I am, apparently, always the bottom. Rude, much? We could totally switch it up.” Bucky pouts.

                “We are not having this conversation. Please. Can we talk about anything else?” Steve begs, burying his head in his hands.

                “Hey, Steve, you’re pretty when you’re mortified.” Bucky laughs.

                “You’re just… the worst. The absolute worst.”

                “Oh! There’s one where we’re superheroes!”

                “Stop. Reading. Fanfiction. About. Us. It. Is. Creepy.” Steve grinds out.

                “Sir, yes, sir.” Bucky grins. “Tab closed, you happy now?”

                “Not overly.”

                “Ah, chill. It’s just teenagers having fun. I mean, you did draw me.”

                “I draw lots of people!” Steve argues.

                “I know, I know. Calm down. Deep breaths. God, I want to meet you in real life just to see how red I can make you go.”

                “I have a delicate complexion.”

                “Yeah, and I bet you get freckles too. Damn, I bet that’s freaking adorable.”

                “Don’t.” Steve says.

                “Don’t what?”

                “Don’t do the whole flirting thing just because of that whole thing. It’s cheap.”

                A look of disappointment crosses Bucky’s face, but it’s gone before Steve can work out what it means.

                “I’ve been called many things in my time, punk, cheap ain’t one of them.”

                “No, I just meant, don’t play up to the fangirls.”

                Bucky checks the time, shit, he has to, weirdly enough, meet Natasha in ten minutes.

                “Look, Steve, I gotta go, but just so you know, I wasn’t playing up to the fangirls. Maybe you just are that damn cute.” He says, and disconnects the call.

                Steve is left staring at where the video window was, cheeks still rouge red, replaying Bucky’s last words. Maybe that’s just Bucky’s way. Maybe he says that to everyone. That’s more likely, right? Steve leans back in his chair, staring at the ceiling without really seeing it. His heart leaps in his chest like a mad thing and he takes a few deep breaths. He doesn’t know what he expected, but now he can’t wait for Bucky’s next video.


	10. The WinterSoldier Uploaded A Video

_“Hello you lovely people. And Steve. Who is very nice too. But today I want to talk to the people who aren’t Steve. Now, some of you are going to be bewildered by what I’m about to say, and others are probably going to be quite embarrassed. Sorry about that. Don’t be embarrassed. I’m not. But._

_“I know about the porn. I know about what goes on on tumblr. I will admit to raising an eyebrow. An eyebrow was raised. I know about all your theories about me and poor, poor innocent Steve, you’ll corrupt him, you know, me, I’m already corrupted, but poor Steve, I’d imagine he’d blush right down to his toes. And wouldn’t that be a sight?_

_“Wait! I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I’m going to say I feel this is an invasion of my privacy and I want you to stop. Well, you’d be wrong. I mean, hell, I’m kinda flattered. Deeply, deeply disturbed and curious all at once, but flattered. It’s not every day you get shipped with well, the Steve Rogers’ of this world. I mean, there’s the me’s of this world, and then there’s the Steve’s and we don’t normally end up, what is it? Porn without plotting?_

_“So carry on, my wayward children, continue with the porn. Oh! And TheStanleyParable, carry on with your superhero fic, I am addicted. I never imagined myself growing up in 1920s Brooklyn until you wrote it, and then following a genetically engineered supersoldier into battle, but it’s funny what you get into, huh. And thanks for giving Steve tights. I’m sure he would appreciate it._

_“I’m honestly not messing with you. And yes, this is a very vain plea for what amounts to ‘more me, please’. But mainly I want to see Steve’s face when he watches this video. I wish I could. Hell, I can’t wait for the reply video._

_“I’ve made a tumblr, you can follow me on therealbuckybarnes.tumblr.com if you want. Seems to me you can ‘reblog’ whatever you like, so there’ll be a lot of vintage motorcycles and yes, a hell of a lot of geek stuff too. You know me too well. Some of you seem to know me far too well. I’m really hoping there isn’t a certain redhead behind some of those fics, because some of the specifics were just too specific. It’s a worry._

_“Okay, sorry this has been a short one, but that’s all I had to say really. Bring on the smut. The most creative wins… something. I don’t know. I’ll figure out a prize. Maybe I’ll make a competition out of it. You guys rock, even if you’re more preoccupied with my penis than I am, and I can’t believe I just said that. Barnes out.”_

Bucky salutes and ends the video, knowing if nothing else it’ll get a rise out of Steve. He’s not quite sure what his end game is here, but the butterflies in his stomach seem to be evolving into some kind of shark-butterflies since his Skype call with Steve. It’s becoming an issue.

                He texts both Natasha and Sam before uploading the video.

                **_Make sure Steve watches the next video with at least one of you. Also why the hell did you not introduce us? – BB_**

He starts the video uploading, and his phone chimes with a reply.

                **_Didn’t think you’d get on. He’s a bit anti-war, you know. And plus you’ve not been back long, didn’t want to throw tall, blond and handsome your way too soon. – SW_**

**_Because I’m so pro-war now I’m down to 75% of my limbs. SAM. You could have thrown him at me anytime. He’d have squashed me, but I could have lived with it. – BB_ **

**_Are you crushing on him? Because if you are I’m telling Nat. – SW_ **

**_OBVIOUSLY. And people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, Wilson. – BB_ **

**_I don’t have a crush on Steve. – SW_ **

**_Oh, deflection, that’ll go well in your glass house which I am going to smash. – BB_ **

**_Bring it. I have Steve’s phone number and you don’t. – SW_ **

**_I hate you. – BB_ **

**_No you don’t. – SW_ **

                The video has finished uploading. Now, it’s a waiting game. He doesn’t have to wait long.

                **_Steve just had a choking fit in Starbucks thanks to you. – NR_**

**_Did his ears go red? It’s cute when they do that. – BB_ **

**_How would you know? And yes. – NR_ **

**_He may have Skyped me. – BB_ **

**_I knew he wouldn’t go two weeks without breaking the rules. I think he’s calmed down now. He wants to know who I’m texting. – NR_ **

**_Tell him. Unless he’s mad, in which case, lie. – BB_ **

**_He’s not mad, just disappointed. And very, very embarrassed. He’s a delicate flower. – NR_ **

**_So he doesn’t want porn written about him? – BB_ **

**_I quote “really, really not”. – NR_ **

**_Can I have his phone number? – BB_ **

**_He just gave me a death glare. I think you’re sleeping on the couch for a while. – NR_ **

**_Oh :( - BB_ **

**_He says he’ll Skype you when he gets home. – NR_ **

**_:) – BB_ **

**_Quit emoticoning me. – NR_ **

**_NEVER. :) :) :) – BB_ **

*

**steveandbucky.tumblr.com**

Are we hearing this correctly? Bucky has officially opened the floodgates to smut. He seems worryingly chill with the whole thing. Well, you heard him girls and boys and all the rest of you beautiful folk, get writing.

**youtubeislife** _reblogged this_

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**therealbuckybarnes** _reblogged this from **steveandbucky** and added: _Fly my pretties, fly!

                s **teverogersart** _reblogged this from **therealbuckybarnes** and added: _Bucky, stop.

**512 notes**

****


	11. Skype (1)

                Steve checks tumblr, checks Bucky’s tumblr, and reads his latest reblog. Sighing, he reblogs it, adding a note to Bucky to stop, before opening Skype and ringing him. The first couple of times it rings out, but finally, Bucky answers.

                “Hey.” Bucky says, running his hand through his hair.

                “Bucky, I – “ Steve starts, but Bucky cuts him off.

                “I know, okay? I know I fucked up. I shouldn’t have posted that video. The second I saw you on tumblr I knew I’d fucked up. You just, you wouldn’t understand.”

                Bucky looks vaguely ill, and Steve leans in closer.

                “Try me.” He says, speaking directly to the image of Bucky on the screen, making eye contact for what it’s worth.

                Bucky lets out a long sigh, scrubs his face with his hand, before slumping backwards.

                “Okay. So you know I haven’t been in a relationship since I got back, right? And suddenly here’s this guy, and hey, he’s nice, kind, intelligent, hot as hell and he actually wants to talk to me. You know how many times that’s happened to me? So, okay, I see some stuff on tumblr, and I get carried away with it. Because it seems I’m not the only one who… it doesn’t matter. It’s stupid.” He sighs again.

                “Buck, it’s not stupid, talk to me.” Steve is almost begging, as Bucky fidgets in front of the camera.

                “You ever want something so bad and know you can’t have it? And then you see other people and they have it and it just makes you want it more? No, I’m saying it wrong. This is. No. What I mean is, what they’re writing, they’ve got me pegged is all. First time I heard you speak, I was a goner. And I know you’re so, so far out of my league that this conversation is going to end with you never talking to me again, I knew that after this month was up we’d drift apart, so I thought, screw it, you know? Let me live in this fantasy world for a bit where I can read about a different reality, one where you feel it too, that burst in your gut every time I see you, you see? Because people like you, they don’t see people like me, so I guess I just wanted a little wish fulfilment. It’s cold comfort, but if I can’t have the real you, I can have that. And that’s so pathetic, I know. So I’m going to stop talking now.”

                It’s Steve’s turn to pause, and he bites his lip before responding, which, even that Bucky finds hopelessly endearing.

                “You feel, I mean, you like me? As in like like?” He asks Bucky and it’s so innocent Bucky almost wants to laugh.

                “I think that’s pretty obvious, punk. But like I said – “

                “Hey, wait up. Don’t I get a say in this?” Steve butts in.

                “What do you mean? Whether I like you or not?”

                “No, in whether I like you back or not. Because it kinda seems to me like a major factor in this.”

                Bucky can’t speak. Doesn’t dare speak. It feels like they’re both balanced on a tight rope and the smallest wrong move could send them both tumbling.

                “See, Buck, Sam and Nat had me figured out immediately. Hell, tumblr had me figured out. I like you too. You think I send my Skype username to all the boys?”

                “But – “

                “But nothing, Bucky. You’re you. You’re so ridiculously you, and I’ve gone over my data allowance watching your videos of you being you. Just seeing you smile, it’s like, I don’t know. Magic or something. I haven’t felt like that in a long time. And I couldn’t say it and then you posted that video and I thought you’d guessed and you were messing with me. But if you’re honestly not, then, I guess I’m wondering where we go from here. Because this seems like it could be something. Or it does to me anyway.”

                Bucky huffs out an astonished laugh. He runs his hand through his hair again, and it’s adorably mussed. His cheeks are lightly red, and he’s grinning crookedly into the camera. Steve wonders, not for the first time, what it would be like to kiss those full lips.

                “Steve. Shit. I mean. I’m not messing with you. I’m just… really bad at communicating apparently. I want this to be a thing. If you want it to be a thing.”

                “I want it to be a thing if you do.” Steve confirms.

                “Oh god, do you ever like, feel sick but in a good way?” Bucky laughs.

                “My stomach’s doing backflips.” Steve admits.

                “We’re quite the pair then.”

                “So it’d seem.” Steve grins wide.

                “So are we going to blatantly break the rules and meet up?” Bucky asks, hope blossoming.

                “If you want to, Buck, I’d like that.”

                “I’d like that too, obviously.”

                “So. Erm, where’d you want to meet?”

                “Hey, you know where I haven’t been in forever? Coney Island. Let’s go there.”

                “You sure? I was thinking Starbucks.”

                “Go big or go home, right? If we can survive The Cyclone we can survive anything.”

                “One of the many places I puked as a child.”

                “Eww, punk, I didn’t need to know that.”

                “If we’re going to be a thing, you’re going to have to know the bad stuff.” Steve points out.

                “You’ve killed someone, haven’t you?” Bucky says, mock-serious.

                Steve laughs.

                “Nope. No murders.”

                “That’s good. Because I don’t date murderers, normally.”

                “So it’s a date?”

                “You know it’s a date.”

                “This is not how I expected this conversation to go.” Steve admits.

                “Me neither. I almost didn’t answer the call. I thought you were going to yell at me.”

                “I thought I was going to as well.”

                “I prefer this option.”

                “Here, I’ve messaged you my number, if you want to text me back so I’ve got yours.” Steve says, having typed it in the dialogue box. Bucky reaches for his phone and adds it to his contacts, and sends Steve a winking emoticon. Steve’s phone vibrates and he laughs when he sees the message.

                “I get the feeling I don’t know what I’m getting into here.” He says.

                “I don’t bite. Well. Only if you ask nicely.”

                Steve knows he’s blushing, and Bucky’s smile gets wider, only confirming it.

                “I like when you blush.” Bucky says softly.

                “That’s probably lucky then.”

                “So, Coney Island. When are you free?” Bucky prompts.

                “Erm, any day really. Saturday? Say ten o’clock?” Steve asks.

                “Sounds good. I’ll meet you at the gates? I’ll be the one who looks like me.”

                “Okay.”

                “Okay.”

                “Okay.”

                “Stop saying okay, punk. You know what we could do in the meantime, to mess with people?” Bucky says innocently.

                “I don’t, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

                So Bucky lays out the plan for Steve’s next video, and it’s so devilishly evil Steve can’t help but agree. They chat idly for a little while longer, before Bucky’s yawns become too big to stifle and cute as he looks sleepy and with his tongue looser with grogginess, Steve insists he gets some sleep. Bucky signs off, and Steve feels that pang of loss as Bucky’s image disappears. And then his phone vibrates:

                **See you Saturday, punk. Can’t wait. BB xx**

                Steve smiles, and starts planning his next video.          


	12. brooklynboy92 uploaded a video

_“I have to admit that I’m very disappointed. Unlike Bucky, I feel like my privacy has been violated. I know when you sign up to Youtube you sign away certain elements of your personality, and people are then free to do with them what they please._

_“But I didn’t expect it from you, Bucky. I didn’t expect you to encourage it. If you’d have left it alone maybe I could have ignored it. Instead for some reason I can’t fathom, you’ve made it open season on what people write about me, and about you, and I don’t feel comfortable with that._

_“I’m not going to ask people to stop, because I understand that what people do in their free time is their business, and it’s not hurting anyone, really. But Bucky, I don’t know if I can keep talking to you. I feel really let down. That you took our friendship and made it into a joke._

_“I’m upset that you think I’m a joke to you. I really thought we could be friends. Instead I feel like you’ve crossed a line I didn’t even realise could be crossed._

_“I guess what I’m saying here is that as far as the Youtube Match Month is going, I’m dropping out. I don’t feel comfortable making videos for Bucky anymore and I’m sorry if I’m letting anyone down when I say that. But the truth is I value integrity in a relationship too much to let this go._

_“So normal service will resume shortly. Sorry this is so short, but what else is there to say? Bucky, maybe it would be worth reassessing how you approach people in the future. And the people on tumblr, I don’t blame you. I don’t blame anyone. It’s just… one weird step too far for me._

_“I’ll upload a new video next week, when I’ve got my bearings back. This has really thrown me. I need to think for a bit. I’m not sure if this is something I want to do anymore if it means sacrificing that level of privacy. The thing is, I’m not a fictional character, and I know it’s easy to see me as one when I’m just a face on a screen, but when you’re writing those things about me and Bucky, we’re real people. And maybe Bucky can handle that better than me._

_“I’m not asking you to stop, but Bucky, I am asking you to stop. Personally. Please. Don’t make this any harder. Thank you. That’s everything I think. Okay. Bye for now.”_

                Steve uploads the video, and sends a text to Bucky.

                **Done. X – SR**

A few minutes later and he assumes Bucky’s watched the video because Steve’s Skype starts ringing. He clicks to answer it and Bucky’s face pops up, his hair twisted up in a messy bun which makes Steve itch for a sketchbook and pencil. Bucky’s expression is lit up, and he just shakes his head at Steve for a moment before speaking.

                “Punk. That was brutal. You just broke up with me over the internet. Over Youtube. What’s tumblr going to say about that?”

                “I don’t think I can break up with you when we’re not dating. Officially. Or something. I don’t know. What are we?” Steve asks.

                “Officially I’d say we were pre-dating. Pending Saturday. Unofficially, and according to half the internet, we’re engaged and testing the limits of your bed springs.”

                Steve blushes. He idly wonders if there’s something he can do to stop himself doing that quite so often.

                “I feel sort of bad about it, lying and everything. People are going to think I hate you.” Steve worries his lip.

                “Don’t. I totally overstepped the line, I mean, hell, if you were anyone else you’ve have told me to fuck off already. I don’t know why you haven’t to be honest.”

                “What can I say? When everyone else runs away from trouble, I run towards it.” Steve grins.

                “I’m trouble, am I?” Bucky smirks.

                “I’m thinking probably.” Steve says, and then he realises he’s flirting and oh god, he does not know how to do this. He looks at Bucky, whose eyes are skidding back and forth momentarily distracted.

                “You’ve made tumblr cry, Steve. People are writing these long diatribes about how I disrespected your boundaries. Oh! This one is nice. It says that I obviously love you but couldn’t find the words to say it so I made it into a joke. This one… oh, make-up porn. Blimey, they’re quick off the mark, aren’t they?”

                “You don’t find it weird that our fictional relationship is more hashed out than our real relationship?”

                “Is that what we have? A relationship? God, how grown up of us.” Bucky smiles. “Oh, someone’s picked up that you used the word relationship, by the way. Well done on that, I didn’t think you’d fit it in. Knew that’d set them off.”

                “You are an evil person, Bucky Barnes.”

                “An evil person you are going to Coney Island with this weekend.” Bucky reminds him. “So I can’t be that bad.”

                “You’re the worst.”

                “Oh, I know. Oh! Is it okay if I film on Saturday?” Bucky asks.

                “Won’t that give the game away?”

                “I won’t get you in it, punk. I’m going to pretend I’ve got a new boyfriend. He’s really nice, blond, built like a brick shit house, intelligent, looks a bit like you really, but he’s too shy to be filmed. He’s filling the void you’ve left, obviously.”

                “Obviously.”

                “Plus I’ve wanted to get the view from the Ferris Wheel for ages now. Never trusted myself not to drop the camera though. Thought maybe you could help out. And I heard there’s going to be a pop-up tattoo tent there, I was thinking of getting one and doing a time-lapse thing.”

                “That’d be pretty cool.” Steve agrees. “What would you get?”

                “Well, punk, when I had what is generally considered a regular number of limbs, I had a big red star on my left arm, near my shoulder. No idea why, just woke up one day and decided yes, big red star, why the hell not? I got it done at this really shabby little shop, I don’t think it even exists anymore, but anyway. I was thinking of getting a red star behind my left ear. I miss my star.”

                “So, like, reclaiming your body?”

                “Hell no, punk. Put away the pop-psychology. I just want a red star. Hey. Maybe I could convince you to get something…” Bucky trails off as Steve shakes his head.

                “No way, jerk. You’re on your own.”

                “Aww, Stevie, you’re breaking my heart. You’ll hold my hand though, right?”

                “Ah, I see through your elaborate plan now.”

                “Dammit. Yep, I’m definitely only doing it to get to touch you.”

                “Knew it.”

                “Don’t look so damn smug.” Bucky says, and Steve sticks his tongue out. He can’t help it. Bucky makes him feel light, and talking to him is so easy. Bucky’s phone vibrates, and Bucky reaches over to check it.

                **Bad luck with Steve, man. Though I can’t say I’m surprised. – SW**

                “That was Sam. He thinks I’ve blown it with you.” Bucky explains.

                “You haven’t told him the plan?”

                “Nah, not told Nat either. Their fault for not introducing us sooner.”

                “Is it weird that I sort of agree with that sentiment?” Steve wonders.

                “Not at all, who could live without me? I’m amazed you’ve gotten this far.”

                “Sorry, your ego is blocking the camera, can you move it slightly?” Steve jokes back.

                “Oh, ouch, Rogers. On that note, I’m going to say goodbye, because some of us have to work for a living.”

                “I work! I’m an artist!” Steve protests.

                “I know, but I knew you’d get all uppity about that. I know you Steeeeve.”

                “Oh god, what have I let myself in for?” Steve pretends to look distressed.

                “You’ll find out on Saturday. I’m told I’m actually very nice. You just bring out the worst in me.”

                “Just my luck.”

                “I really do have to go though. Bye, punk. See you soon.”

                “Bye Buck. It’s been nice talking to you.”

                Bucky salutes and signs off. Steve sighs, a happy sigh, and the butterflies in his stomach do a little synchronised leap. He has commissions to finish and character designs to draw up. He shakes his head a little, as though it would dislodge Bucky from his thoughts, and it almost works, until he looks at what he’s drawn later and the new male character has that dimpled smirk and perfectly tousled hair.


	13. Share on Tumblr

**steveandbucky.tumblr.com posted**

And on that bombshell… does anyone else feel slightly sick?

 **barneslovesrogers** _reblogged this from **steveandbucky** and added: _ This was inevitable really. We forgot we were watching real human beings. I think I’m going to change my url, I don’t feel comfortable anymore.

 **stuckytube** _reblogged this from **steveandbucky** and added: _Steve didn’t say for us to stop, just for Bucky to stop. Which I completely understand. I don’t know if I could talk to someone who wanted porn written about the pair of us.

                a **llnighttogetbucky** _reblogged this from **stuckytube** and added: _I don’t know, if I was famous, or even internet famous, I’d be tempted. I’m just curious what his motivation was behind it.

                                **stuckytube** _reblogged this from **allnighttogetbucky** and added: _Before I’d have said maybe he had a crush on Steve, but now I don’t know what to think. Either way, it’s obviously not reciprocated.

                                                a **llnighttogetbucky** _reblogged this from **stuckytube** and added: _I don’t know… Steve used the word ‘relationship’. It sounds like they had more than just a friendship going on. Well. Had, being the operative word.

 **midnighttypewriter** _reblogged this from **steveandbucky** and added: _I shouldn't have ever got this invested in those two. This's what I get for venturing into RPF. I can't blame Steve for his reaction but now I feel sorry for them both. I only hope that with enough time they can mend things. ~~(Btw, this is probably a bad time to bring this up but did you guys notice the word "relationship" in there?)~~

**2,021 notes**

*

**_James Barnes I am not talking to you right now. – NR_**

**_Ah, Nat, kick a man when he’s down. – BB_ **

**_You know how private Steve is? – NR_ **

**_I’m beginning to get an idea, yeah. – BB_ **

**_You really had a chance, James. He liked you. – NR_ **

**_Really? – BB_ **

**_Really. – NR_ **

**_Damn. – BB_ **

*

**_Nat just text me, she’s pissed off. – BB_ **

**_I’m sorry, Buck. – SR_ **

**_Don’t be, I totally brought this on myself. – BB_ **

**_You think my video was too harsh? – SR_ **

**_Maybe a little. I never knew you were such a good liar. – BB_ **

**_I surprised myself. – SR_ **

**_Hey, guess what a little bird told me? – BB_ **

**_I dread to think. – SR_ **

**_That you like me. – BB_ **

**_Or rather liked. Past tense. – BB_ **

**_Would that little bird be Natasha? – SR_ **

**_Ask no questions, receive no lies. – BB_ **

**_I’m never talking to her about Feelings again. – SR_ **

**_She was right, wasn’t she? – BB_ **

**_You already know I like you. Jerk. – SR_ **

**_I always go for a second opinion. You see enough doctors, you learn that. – BB_ **

**_Don’t talk to me about doctors. – SR_ **

**_That sounds like a story. – BB_ **

**_It’s a Skinny Steve story. I’ll tell you over candyfloss maybe. – SR_ **

**_Deal. X – BB_ **

**_Night. X – SR_ **

*

**_We are surrounded by idiots. – NR_ **

**_Are we talking about one idiot in particular? – SW_ **

**_Maybe. – NR_ **

**_Nat, your poker face doesn’t work over text. – SW_ **

**_Whatever, dork, James is an idiot. – NR_ **

**_I don’t know, I’ve known Steve a long time. That video… - SW_ **

**_Seemed a little off to you too, huh? – NR_ **

**_All I’m saying is Bucky can be a terrible influence on people. – SW_ **

**_Steve Rogers would never tell a lie. – NR_ **

**_You want to put your money where your mouth is on that? – SW_ **

**_What’re the stakes? – NR_ **

**_They get together, you buy me dinner. – SW_ **

**_And if they don’t, within, say, one month? – NR_ **

**_I buy you dinner. – SW_ **

**_You’re transparent, Wilson. – NR_ **

**_You love me. – SW_ **

**_Admitting nothing. – NR_ **

**_Your poker face is slipping again. – SW_ **

*

**steverogersart.tumblr.com posted**

[screencap .gifs from In The Flesh of Simon and Kieren in the kitchen, Simon is saying to Kieren “There’s what I believe, and then there’s you.”]

_I love that Kieren completely changes Simon’s perspective on ‘life’. It’s very rare to find someone like that. Someone you’ll bare yourself for, or conceal things for. Someone who changes you from the inside out. It’s a rare thing. If you have it, be careful it doesn’t warp you, but at the same time, hold it safe._

**159 notes**

*

**therealbuckybarnes.tumblr.com posted**

Going to Coney Island this weekend! Hoping to get The Boy onto the Cyclone. ;)

**111 notes**

*

**_Anonymous asked: You’re a dick. You shouldn’t have done that to Steve. Unsubscribing._ **

**_therealbuckybarnes answered: I overstepped my boundaries and I’m sorry. I’ve talked to Steve and we’ve reached an understanding. He agrees I was out of line. I can only apologise._ **

****

**_Anonymous asked: Who’s ‘The Boy’?_ **

**_therealbuckybarnes answered: A small (well, rather large actually) piece of heaven wrapped in a too small t-shirt. You could say we met through mutual friends._ **

****

_steverogersart asked: Bucky, my shirts aren’t too small. Natasha says they fit perfectly._

_therealbuckybarnes answered privately: And that is why I love Natasha. X_

*

**quartermile posted**

Steve and Bucky are the cutest. I can't believe what Steve just posted. I hope he's not really that hurt. TheRealBuckyBarnes you've got to fix it, okay? Don't let the internet's power couple be over. You two are so cute together!! :(

**_therealbuckybarnes liked this_ **

**79 notes**

****

_therealbuckybarnes asked: Hey, Stevie, we’re an internet power couple. ;)_

_steverogersart answered privately: If I ever get near your laptop, I’m destroying it. For your own good._

_therealbuckybarnes asked: Stevie, you’re mean. :(_

_steverogersart answered privately: And you’re ridiculous. :P_

**meero94 posted**

Okay, so I've been seeing posts about Steve's latest video all over the place and I thought I'll have an input as well. I know that some of you are very unhappy with how things turned out and I'm as sad as the next person, but come on guys we saw how shy and reserved Steve was from the start. So what were you expecting?? I'm not blaming Bucky in any way -poor baby must be heartbroken oh my god- and I'm not blaming the fic writers either (cough that'd be hypocrisy cough) but I'm saying let's give them some space, yes? Maybe Steve will calm down in a while and things can go back to normal. Or not. I don't even know.. but let's not go crazy and wait to see how this plays out. Poor Bucky has to see all those posts after all and they can't be helping.

Tagged: #stucky #i'm not crying you're crying

**222 notes**

_steverogersart asked: I feel like a terrible person right now. Like I’ve kicked a puppy or something._

_therealbuckybarnes answered privately: Stop looking at the tags then! And never listen to my advice. When I say do something, generally that’s when people run in the opposite direction. Honestly, Steve. You’re hopeless. But it’s okay. We’ll post something after Coney Island and everything will be fine. They ain’t seen the last of us._

**_Anonymous asked: If Bucky said he was sorry, and meant it, would you start talking to him again?_ **

**_steverogersart answered: Bucky has apologised, and we are on good terms. We have mutually agreed not to continue the Youtube Match Making Month for personal reasons. I’d like to thank everyone for the supportive messages I’ve received, and I’d ask for people to be kind to Bucky. We all get carried away sometimes.  Some things should remain private._ **


	14. IRL

                So. Things that are easier in Bucky’s head than real life include but are not limited to: choosing what the hell to wear for their date, trying to come up with conversation for said date, trying not to psych himself out. Okay. Deep breaths. In and out. Just like Sam would tell him. Take a moment and clear your head. Okay. Okay. Bucky shakes himself out of it. He can do this. He can choose a damn shirt.

                He looks at the pile on his bed. Okay. He closes his eyes and reaches out at random. Opens them and finds he’s chosen a black denim shirt, which, hey, could work. He’s already shucked on his skinniest jeans, because Natasha once called them indecent and that works for him. He grabs a safety pin from his drawer and pins the left sleeve on the shirt before shrugging it on. Checks the mirror. Not too shabby. His hair’s a total mess, that’s what he gets for trying to be prepared and falling asleep on wet hair after last night’s shower. Hopefully Steve finds it cute. Or something. Oh, god.

                He walks across the room and ducks down to check his camera’s battery is fully charged, before sliding it out of the charger and standing, putting it down so he can get the battery cover open on the camera. It’s annoyingly fiddly and he braces it against his thigh with his elbow as he reaches for the battery. Finally, it’s in and he flicks the power button to check it’s filming okay. Good. That’s something, at least. He puts the camera’s strap around his neck and it’s reassuring weight grounds him. As he walks through to the kitchen, the camera clinks the buttons of his shirt which in turn clink on his dog tags beneath his shirt. He grabs a breakfast bar and tears it open with his teeth, even though his stomach is protesting and he really doesn’t want to eat, he forces it down, knowing he’ll regret it later if he doesn’t. Finally, he scoops up his phone and wallet, pushing them into his back pocket, and then he’s out the door and on his way to a date with Steve Rogers.

                When did this become his life?

                He doesn’t get many stares within the first couple of blocks because people are mostly used to seeing him. It’s only as he approaches the subway station that people start double glancing and averting their eyes. He wonders what Steve’s reaction will be. It’s one thing to see it in a video, but another in real life.

                He arrives twenty minutes early, watches people file by through the turn stiles. His eyes dart back and forth, looking for Steve in the crowd. He shuffles from foot to foot, runs his hand through his hair, catches himself and forces himself to be calm. He used to be good at this. Before everything. He used to be able to do this.

                A familiar blond head is in the crowd, and Bucky’s heart near stops when he realises it’s Steve. Steve hasn’t seen him yet and so Bucky takes a moment to take in Steve in real life. He’s wearing one of his too small t-shirts, and apparently, yes, he does look that good in the flesh and that just seems unfair to Bucky. Bucky raises his arm and waves it in Steve’s direction, and Steve’s face lights up when he spots Bucky. He makes his way over and stops just short of invading Bucky’s personal space. Neither of them speak for a moment, Bucky looking up at Steve, taking in the blue of his eyes, and then allowing himself a quick once over of the rest of Steve’s body, noting that Steve’s jeans have small paint splatters on them, and his Converse are scuffed.

                Steve speaks first, breaking the silence.

                “Wow, so, hey.” It’s not eloquent, and Steve seems to realise this, because he scratches the back of his neck and shifts his weight to one side awkwardly. _He’s just as nervous as I am_. The thought runs through Bucky’s mind and suddenly his chest isn’t as tight and he holds out his hand for Steve to shake.

                “Bucky Barnes, nice to meet you for real.” He says, and Steve takes his hand, squeezing gently, and smiling.

                “Steve Rogers, and likewise.” Their hands stay in place a fraction too long before dropping, and Bucky instantly misses the heat of Steve’s palm against his.

                “So, it’s a shame you’re so ugly in real life.” Bucky jokes, and Steve laughs.

                “Didn’t realise you’d be so damn short.” He retorts.

                “Oi.” Bucky grins, and swats at Steve’s arm, getting a soft punch in.

                “Hey,” Steve says, and reaches out a hand to Bucky’s face, “you got a hair.” He pushes a stray strand of hair behind Bucky’s ear, and Bucky leans into the touch before realising that nuzzling someone when you’ve known them for less than five minutes might be considered weird.

                Steve’s hand lingers and brushes against his cheek, and Steve flushes, catches himself and jams both hands into his front pockets. He nods at the gates of the park, the reason they’re there, after all.

                “You ready to go in?” He asks, and Bucky double checks his camera, before nodding. They stand for a moment, before Bucky starts walking, and Steve keeps pace just slightly behind him, until they get to the ticket booth and Steve manages to get in front and insists on paying for both of them. Bucky tries to protest, but Steve gives him this look, earnest and eager, and it shuts him up, for now.

                “Gotta save your money for that tattoo, right?” Steve says, as they walk through into the park with their stamped hands and Steve clutching a map. They stop for a moment so Bucky can get some footage of the park, of the crowds, and the rides emerging from the earth around them like monoliths. Steve studies the map, and Bucky leans over to try figure out the best route around the park to take. In the end though, he knows the first ride he wants to drag Steve onto.

                “Cyclone?” He suggests innocently. Steve actually grimaces, but does this thing with his jaw Bucky’s seen action heroes do when they’re resolved, and nods.

                “If I puke, I’m blaming you.” Steve says.

                “You sure know how to woo a fella, Rogers.” Bucky teases.

                “Let’s just get this over with.” Steve replies, looking slightly paler than usual. Bucky almost feels sorry for him. Almost.


	15. IRL

                They’re sitting on a bench. Well, Bucky is sitting on a bench. Steve is lying with his head in Bucky’s lap, moaning softly. Bucky runs his hand through Steve’s hair, making calming noises.

                The Cyclone did not go well. Whilst Steve’s breakfast has thus far been retained, Steve, it turns out, is a delicate flower. Bucky can’t help but find this utterly adorable.

                He’s so completely involved in staring at Steve’s mussed and sweaty hair, that he doesn’t hear the voice speaking first time round. He looks up, and there’s a teenage boy standing in front of him, practically vibrating with nerves. Bucky smiles at him, and his hand stills in Steve’s hair. Steve lets out a small moan and Bucky returns to the task in hand.

                “Excuse me, are you Bucky Barnes?” The boy asks, tripping over his words. Bucky smiles at the boy and nods.

                “Oh. Wow. I’m, I watch your Youtube videos. You’re sort of my idol.” The boy says, and his eyes drift down to Steve in Bucky’s lap. His eyes go wide.

                “Is, is that Brooklyn, I mean, Steve?”

                “Not right now.” Steve murmurs with his eyes shut.

                “Sorry kid, we just rode the Cyclone. Apparently some of us are a tad bit pathetic.” Bucky explains.

                “Not ‘thetic.” Steve mumbles.

                “Sure, punk.” Bucky placates him. He looks back up at the kid who looks like all his dreams have come true and all his birthdays have come at once.

                “We thought you’d broken up! We saw Steve’s video and he looked so disappointed. And now you’re here and you’re here and and and.” The boy appears to be hyperventilating slightly.

                “Hey, what’s your name?” Bucky asks.

                “Billy. My name’s Billy.” The boy replies, getting his breath back.

                “Okay, Billy, can you keep a secret?” Bucky asks, smirking. The boy nods eagerly. Bucky continues.

                “Me and Steve, this is our first date. And to be honest, I’m not sure how on earth I got him to agree to it. Or whether he’ll ever agree to another one. But the Youtube stuff? It’s not real. I mean, it was real, but Steve’s video wasn’t. We just did it to get people to back off a bit after my video. I was outta line.”

                “Oh god, I’ve interrupted your date. I’m so sorry. I’m on a date too, but not, like, a first date. Just a date date. My boyfriend’s over there.” Billy gestures to a blond boy watching them a little way away.

                “That’s great, kid. And don’t worry. We weren’t doing anything pressing. Stevie here had to recover a little anyway. Hey, Steve?” He sweeps Steve’s hair off his forehead and Steve’s eyes flicker open. “You think you can sit up and talk to this nice young man?”

                Steve’s looking a little less green, so he struggles upright, pausing for a moment as a final wave of nausea hits him, but by the time he’s sitting up, he looks almost back to normal, if a little pale. He smiles at Billy, and offers a hand to shake. Billy takes it eagerly.

                “Your boyfriend can come over if he likes.” Bucky says.

                “Is that okay? I don’t want to get in the way of anything?” Billy asks.

                “It’s fine. Really.” Steve says. Billy waves wildly at the blond boy, who makes his way easily over to them.

                “Sorry, is this dork bothering you?” He asks when he gets to them, placing a hand on Billy’s waist. “I’m Teddy. Sorry. He’s useless.”

                “I’m not useless.” Billy pouts.

                “He’ll never ask you himself, but can he get a picture with you both?” Teddy says, earning a glare from Billy.

                Bucky and Steve share a quick glance and Bucky tilts his head a little, before asking.

                “You got a tumblr, Billy?”

                Billy goes red. Teddy just laughs.

                “I have to drag him off it some days. You don’t want him to post the picture?”

                “Nah, the opposite. Make sure to tag me.”

                “Bucky, you know this is going to start everything again.” Steve says in a low voice.

                “I sort of like it?” Bucky says innocently.

                “Are you like, an evil genius or something?” Billy asks.

                “I have been told – hey no pinching!” Bucky bats at Steve who looks away as though he didn’t just leave a red mark on Bucky’s arm.

                Teddy fishes his phone out of his pocket, and Steve shuffles over so Billy can sit between them. The picture comes out amazingly awkward with two thirds of the participants having no idea what to do with themselves and Bucky just smirking.

                “Can I get one of just the two of you?” Billy asks after checking the photo.

                “Sure.” Bucky says, and him and Steve move closer together, and their thighs touch and even though he’s technically had Steve’s head in his lap, this feels like new territory. Teddy asks them to smile and on the spur of the moment Bucky presses a kiss to Steve’s cheek. Billy lets out a barely disguised squeal and Steve instantly blossoms into that perfect shade of red Bucky lo- likes him so much for.

                “Thank you so much. Thank you!” Billy says, and Teddy nods at them, smiling, before guiding his boyfriend away.

                “What was that, Buck? More playing up to the fans?” Steve asks, when they’re on their own again.

                “Actually, punk, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. Thing is though, I didn’t want to get puked on. But now you’re looking all peachy again, I was wondering…”

                Steve has just enough time to note how plush Bucky’s lips are close up, how damned red, before Bucky’s kissing him, soft and gentle, a slight push that doesn’t ask for any more than is offered. Steve kisses back, and it’s better than he could have imagined, and he presses closer to Bucky, the kiss still just chaste enough to leave them both wanting more. They separate for breath, and Steve looks down, noting how his hand has found Bucky’s. Bucky just stares at those ridiculous long eyelashes, and allows Steve to flex his fingers around Bucky’s, holding them tight.

                They sit unmoving for a while, the soft touch of flesh on flesh where their hands meet and their breathing in sync, before Steve happens to glance at his watch.

                “Buck, I don’t want to move, like, perhaps ever, but if you want to get that tattoo, we really have to.” He says.

                “I like it here.” Bucky says, and steals another quick kiss because he can now. This is a thing he can do. It’s brilliant. But Steve’s pulling him to his feet, and so they head off, but not before Bucky has linked his arm through Steve’s, holding them together as they walk.


	16. IRL

                Steve grips Bucky’s hand (as promised) as the tattoo machine buzzes behind his ear, the artist delicately etching in a small red star. Steve couldn’t bring himself to watch at first, the red too much like blood, watching it through the lens of Bucky’s camera as he filmed it, but the process soon intrigued him, and now he stares openly, as the artist uses small circles to cover the tan of Bucky’s skin. Bucky smiles lazily, never wincing, but he still squeezes Steve’s hand, the only signal he gives that the process hurts.

                But it’s over almost before it’s begun, and Bucky is given aftercare instructions and reluctantly removes his hand from Steve’s to pay, and then they’re being ushered out, so that the station can be cleaned for the next client. Bucky nudges Steve’s elbow with his, and Steve reaches down and grips Bucky’s hand again, and Bucky grins up at him, high off endorphins.

                They find a bench and Steve shows Bucky the footage he got, and they talk about how Bucky can slow it down in After Effects and hopefully it’ll look amazing. Bucky’s camera isn’t one of those high speed slow motion cameras, just a regular digital SLR, but its frame rate is high enough.

                They’re in the middle of a rather heated discussion about slowing down and speeding up video, like with Steve’s speed paints, when Bucky stops himself mid-sentence and laughs.

                “We’re such geeks. Here we are, one of the most famous amusement parks in the world, and we’re talking about After Effects. I’m pretty sure I was promised candy floss and a Skinny Steve story. And I still want to go on the big wheel, should be able to get some amazing footage now it’s getting darker and the park’s all lit up.”

                Steve looks around, and indeed the morning has turned into late afternoon around them. He rubs a thumb over Bucky’s fingers, before making to stand.

                “I’ll get candy floss. But the Skinny Steve story? Really boring. I promise you.” He heads off to a nearby stand and Bucky leans back, resting his head on the back of the bench and closing his eyes, the weight of his camera safe around his neck. Steve’s return is marked by the snap close shutter sound of an iPhone taking a photo, and Bucky opens his eyes to see Steve, candy floss sticks in one hand and his phone pointed directly at Bucky. Bucky raises an eyebrow.

                “Artistic reference.” Steve shrugs nonchalantly, though there’s a small blush to his cheeks. He puts his phone back in his pocket and hands Bucky his candy floss. Bucky takes a bite of the pink woven sugar, feels it dissolve gritty and sweet on his tongue, before nudging Steve.

                “Come on, Skinny Steve stories, go.”

                Steve sighs behind him, not upset, just bored of the same old stories. But he’ll tell them for Bucky. Hell, at this stage, he’d probably read the phone book for Bucky.

                “When I was a kid, well, before that, when I was born, I was always real small, you know? I was in hospital for about a week after I was born, and then pretty much made it my second home after that. Ear infections, throat infections, coughs that wouldn’t shift, asthma, I wasn’t gaining any weight and they were worried about that, I was short for my age, I had scoliosis, I was basically a walking medical disaster zone. I actually saw my medical records a few years back and they’re about this thick.” He gestures with his fingers, a good few inches between them.

                “They gave me growth hormones, steroids, a bad ear infection left me partially deaf so I’ve got the implant, and I had my scoliosis corrected after puberty hit and I shot up about a foot in a month.”

                “You don’t talk about that in your videos.” Bucky says carefully.

                “It’s sort of weird. It’s like, there was skinny me, and then there was me me, and it feels like there’s a really distinct line between them. I think it was after the scoliosis surgery, and I stood up straight for the first time, and I was tall already, and it had made me taller too, and I just sort of saw someone else in the mirror. Like someone had taken away my old body and given me a new one. I was still me, but I wasn’t, you know?”

                “I know.” Bucky says. “The first time I saw myself without my arm, it felt like, god, it felt like my life had ended. The weirdest thing was, I was grateful I was alive, and everyone kept saying, you’re so lucky, so lucky, but I just stood there and cried, you know? I wasn’t ashamed of it, but I didn’t feel like the same person anymore. There was a line in the sand, a before and after. And it took me a long time to be okay with that. I think, of all things, making videos really helped, because I stopped seeing it as something missing, instead it was a part of me that wasn’t there, but still helped stir discussion and in a way, that helped make me not miss it so much. Though I have to say life was easier with two hands.” He smiles a little.

                “Buck.” Steve squeezes Bucky’s shoulder, comforting. Bucky leans into the touch.

                “It’s okay. Really. Sam says, he says life moulds us, and we don’t always get to choose the final shape, you know? Mentally or physically. But if none of it had happened? I wouldn’t be here right now, this very second, talking to you. I wouldn’t have met Sam at the VA, I wouldn’t have met Natasha, I wouldn’t have been signed up for the stupid Match Making Month, my life would be completely different. So it’s weird. Because I am lucky. Right now, I feel lucky. Life can be shit, but sometimes it’s okay. Right now, it’s okay. It’s really okay.”

                Steve doesn’t get a chance to reply, his words swallowed up by Bucky’s lips on his, sickly sweet, soft and insistent. Bucky’s words tumble around Steve’s head until Bucky’s tongue runs a line across his bottom lip and his mouth falls open and all coherent thought is lost and all there is is the moment and Bucky.


	17. IRL

                Bucky needs footage from the top of the big wheel, so they head there next. It’s the last thing on the list, and he doesn’t want this day to end. Steve is perfect, ridiculously so, and there’s no doubt that Bucky has fallen hard.

                They swing into the rackety seat, the metal bar closing over their laps, and then Bucky hands the camera to Steve.

                “I don’t trust myself not to drop it. When we get to the top, will you get, maybe twenty seconds of the skyline?” Bucky asks. Steve takes the camera gently, safe and secure between his two hands, but he puts the strap around his neck anyway.

                The seat starts moving with a creak, and they’re being propelled upwards. The sun is setting quickly now, and the park looks beautiful, the lights shining like stars on the ground. Bucky looks over at Steve, to find Steve looking back at him. He feels suddenly like he’s been electrified, like there’s too much energy in his body.

                “You’re staring.” He whispers to Steve.

                “I know.” Steve replies, smiling. “It’s a good view.”

                They sit in silence, each looking at the other when the other turns to focus on the landscape below, until they’re almost at the top. Steve sets the camera up, steadying it on the bar, and presses the record button. He films for twenty seconds without moving the camera, before capturing a quick panorama. The ride clinks again and they’re at the top. They can see the entire park and beyond, but Steve has turned the camera away from the park, onto them. Bucky can see himself in the viewfinder, and then Steve’s smile as Steve leans in to kiss his cheek. It’s soft and gentle, and distracts Bucky as he turns to kiss Steve properly. The camera doesn’t so much as wobble in Steve’s hand as they kiss at the top of the ride, the camera’s lens fixed on them. Bucky pulls away slowly, looks back at the camera.

                “What was that for, punk?” He asks.

                “Always wanted to kiss someone at the very top.” Steve admits.

                “And film it? You some kind of exhibitionist?” Bucky jokes, as Steve turns the camera off, letting it rest against his chest.

                “Bucky, we’re Youtubers. We’re both exhibitionists by nature. But no. That was a memory. We’re the first generation that can capture every moment of our lives should we wish to. The first generation with the opportunity to document everything. Imagine what we’d know about people if we could have watched Youtube videos from one hundred years ago. From a thousand years ago. And now imagine the people in the future, watching us. Reading our words. Having a more complete picture of who we were than anyone previously. We’re so damn lucky we can make these memories. So I want to. I want to keep as many as I can. Not to share, but so I can look back in twenty years’ time and say, you know what? That was a good day.”

                “Is that what Youtube is to you? Like a time capsule?” Bucky asks, captivated by Steve’s words.

                “I want it to be, you know? But that idea, it’s not working. I don’t think I had the motivation before. I didn’t have a life worth capturing. Or it felt like that. But today, it feels like, I don’t know, a fresh start. Like something’s settled inside me.”

                The ride has brought them back down to earth, but Bucky still feels like he’s floating above it. He accepts Steve’s hand as they get out of the seat, and they sit on a nearby bench and watch the footage Steve shot, first of the skyline, and then of them.

                “I want to use this.” He says.

                “The kiss?” Steve asks, surprised.

                “Is that okay?”

                “It’s more than okay, I’m just surprised.”

                “Maybe you’re not the only one making memories today, punk.” Bucky nudges Steve. Steve nudges back.

                “Seriously though, what you said about how we can capture things? Everything?” Bucky continues. “It’s important. It feels important. I think we should. I mean, I like what I do, I like talking about comic books and movies and PTSD and that, don’t get me wrong. I like messing with tumblr. But you’re right. We’re lucky that we can document so much. And maybe people won’t want to see it. Hell, there are writers I’ve never read and never will read. People fall by the wayside of history all the time. But sometimes, people get remembered. They last. Maybe we can make what we do into something more. Keep ourselves, keep what we do, but make it mean something. Does that make sense?”

                “You want to do this together?” Steve asks.

                “If you’ll have me.” Bucky says quietly.

                “Then I’d love that, Buck. I mean it. We could do so much, show the world Brooklyn, go travelling, hell, see the world. Really dig our teeth in, you know?”

                “Woah, slow down there.” Bucky laughs. “But I’m willing. I’ll see the world with you, Stevie.”

 

*

 

                Bucky insists on seeing Steve back to his apartment, even though it’s twenty minutes out of his way. They hover awkwardly at the threshold, the boundaries of their relationship uncertain. Steve makes to ask Bucky in, but Bucky refuses.

                “I’m a gentleman.” He says, waving Steve away. Instead they part with a chaste kiss and the promise of Bucky’s video going up tomorrow and a Skype session after.

                Steve feels a tangible pang of loss as the door closes, and just stands for a moment, staring at the cheap wood of it. He’s half turned away from it when there’s a knock. He opens the door, and Bucky’s standing there, a smirk on his face and devilment in his eyes.

                “I can’t lie. I’m no gentleman.” Bucky says, crushing his lips to Steve’s.

                “Oh thank god.” Steve manages to bite out, and it’s the last coherent thing he says for some time as the door slams shut and Bucky proceeds to take him to pieces.


	18. (99+) Tumblr

**wiccancan.tumblr.com posted**

[iPhone photo of Steve and Bucky at Coney Island, Bucky is kissing Steve’s cheek]

You’ll never guess who me and Teddy (@jollygreen) ran into today!

I made a complete idiot out of myself. OF COURSE.

#stucky #steve rogers #bucky barnes #TheWinterSoldier #brooklynboy92

 **jollygreen** _reblogged this from **wiccancan** and added: _You really did make an idiot of yourself. I thought I was going to have to drag you away from them.

 **allnighttogetbucky** _reblogged this from **wiccancan** and added: _OH MY GOD *hyperventilates* Is this legit?

                q **ueerdatenotqueerbait** _reblogged this from **allnightogetbucky** and added: _At this stage, who can even tell what’s ‘legit’ with them anymore?

                                **stuckytube** _reblogged this from **queerdatenotqueerbait** and added: _This doesn’t look fake? Unless they’ve got sockpuppets on tumblr. But @wiccancan looks like he’s been around for a while.

                                                j **ollygreen** _reblogged this from **stuckytube** and added: _This is one hundred per cent real! Me and Billy (@wiccancan) were there on a date and bumped into them. Steve was recovering from the Cyclone. He looked really ill. But they took a photo with Billy and then they took this one. Steve looked really surprised, it was adorable. But I swear, they act like a real couple, I really don’t think they’re making this up.

**5,598 notes**

 

**rpsing.tumblr.com posted**

So wait, they faked the whole thing? The deep butthurt, the puppydog eyes, the disappointment, the regret, the break-up? It was all fake? _Really?_

Was _any_ of it ever real? Seriously, I have to ask. Because maybe I'm not surprised Bucky would mess with us, but Steve? Sweet, awkward Steve, who's so earnest and so _nice_ you want to scratch him behind the ears and feed him bacon under the table...? That smells so far OOC I'm thinking this whole thing has been a bad fic from the first video and the writer(s) just fucked up.

I'm thinking they knew each other before. I'm thinking this whole thing is two jerks trolling for the lulz. Oh, excuse me -- I'm sure it'll turn out to have been a "social experiment." Do assholes still use that excuse when they're confronted about their bullshit? Seriously, I'm wondering now if maybe poor, hurt Steve (if that's even his name) was scripted to off himself, or die of cancer or something, with some Bestest Friend sock-Tumblr of Bucky's (or maybe a third conspirator on YouTube?) ready to jump in with a link to his Amazon wish lists or something, so all of us shocked and so-so-sorry fans could help him feel better by buying him shit. This wouldn't be the first time shit like _that_ happened, for anyone who's only been around fandom a couple of years. :/

I'm done. I don't care what they post from now on, I'm not buying it.

 **barneslovesrogers** _reblogged this from **rpsing** and added: _I agree, I don’t get it. One minute they’re falling in love on camera, the next they’re breaking up, now this? I don’t know how to feel. If this is real though, I’m happy for them, but why would Steve lie to us? (I don’t think they’re lying about who they are, if you google them then they come up with their lives and Facebook and everything. It’s mostly private or restricted, but it’d be a lot of work to fake.

 **finalfallenfantasy** _reblogged this from **rpsing** and added: _ Oh my God guys, this is like. Bollocks. Like seriously, was all that sadface from Steve a lie? I mean oh man, I'm not even mad. That's amazing. (Fuck you, I can quote Anchorman whenever I want). I'm like just reeling over here haha. So it's all good and they're definitely dating now? My heart is happy.

I wonder if it was all some kind of weird game, like they knew each other beforehand and got paired through the YouTube thing by accident etc etc. I don't even know, do I care? I love their... I guess like their love story(?) so far, but if it's all literally just fiction then I guess that's cool too (as long as they're together and happy and staying cute :O) I mean, we watch shit like Marble Hornets or I Ship It knowing that isn't real, so why not this? Anyway this means that like, half the RPF around tumblr atm is actual canon now. HOW OFTEN DO WE GET TO SAY THAT GUYS I MEAN REALLY.

#suchjoy #oh my god I'm dying here

**1,667 notes**

**midnighttypewriter.tumblr.com posted**

Wait what? Did they patch things up or...? What's happening? I'm not complaining. I'm not complaining at all - look how cute they are ♥_♥ I think to celebrate this, someone should link me to some cute fluffy fics. I've missed out on anything written since the video - you know which one I mean.

 **puncheverything answered:** Check out the Fallen Snow series, it’s a winter break college AU, I swear I got a cavity.

 **wasahorseonce answered:** Bucky himself said he likes the Captain America / Winter Soldier superhero AU, though it’s not particularly fluffy (though maybe we can expect some after this???)

 **steveandbucky answered:** They’ve got their own kink meme on dreamwidth now, I’ll send you a fanmail with the url.

**112 notes**

**everheart.tumblr.com posted**

**META: Steve Rogers, why he lied and why it doesn’t matter**

Youtube celebrity is a strange creature. You sit in front of a webcam in the privacy of your own home and spill your darkest secrets to strangers on the internet. It feels a mile removed from actually talking to someone face to face, and allows a certain freedom from responsibility, and also a certain freedom of personality.

We have seen in the last year Youtubers who have abused their fame in the worst ways, and now we have the great Stucky drama of 2014. Were they faking it? Are they paid actors? Is this lonelygirl15 all over again?

The answer, I believe, is no. I believe what we saw was genuine. Even brooklynboy92’s latest video is genuine to a point. Hang on, let me explain.

Imagine you’re falling for someone. Now, normally you’re allowed to do this in relative privacy. Now imagine you’ve got the entire internet watching you instead (just look at his subscriber count before and after the Match). Awkward, right? Especially when the person you’re falling for is reading porn about the pair of you and bragging about it (please read my meta about this here – I think it explains the situation from a different POV) – what are you going to do?

So Steve went the scorched earth approach. Or at least, he appeared to. And this is where his private life diverges from his public persona. Fandom is a difficult… [read more]

**12,333 notes**

**_Looks like I owe you dinner. – NR_**

**_Looks like. – SW_ **

**_Dammit. – NR_ **

**_Why are we texting? Come here, you. – SW_ **

**_You’ve got such a way with words. – NR_ **

**_Allow me to demonstrate. – SW_ **

**_Oh, Mr Wilson. – NR_ **

**_Victory sex is best sex. – SW_ **

**_Oh you ruined it. – NR_ **

**_A guy can only be so smooth when you’re wearing nothing but a smile. – SW_ **

****

**steverogersart.tumblr.com posted**

I’m never leaving bed again.

**771 notes**

**therealbuckybarnes.tumblr.com posted**

I have bruises everywhere. You could say it went well with The Boy. ;)

**1,001 notes**

**steveandbucky.tumblr.com posted**

WE DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE. EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL AND NOTHING HURTS.

**4,352 notes**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And on the eve of Christmas, did come the Discourse™.


	19. The WinterSoldier Uploaded A Video

_[footage of the Coney Island crowds]_

_“I think a lot of the time, being behind the camera and being so separated from your audience, to the point where they, you, become abstract, it can get inside your head a little. You forget that the people watching you are real, with real emotions and real feelings and real concerns about you, sometimes._

_“It’d be easy to say that I did it for the ‘lulz’ and none of it meant anything, but it’s not true. I mean, damn, it couldn’t be further from the truth. Thing is, the second I saw Steve, I knew I was in trouble._

_“You don’t come out for just anyone, you know? I should have known then, just the way he inspired me to be better than myself, to be more honest. And it spiralled. I got reckless. And I got stupid. Because I believed that a guy like Steve would never have time for me._

_“Turns out, I was wrong. And I’m still getting used to the fact that that is my reality. He’s in the other room right now, I could go through there and kiss him, and that’d be a thing that I could do. So I guess that’s that out of the bag. In fact…”_

_[Bucky leaves the shot for a couple of minutes then returns smiling.]_

_“See, I told Steve to post his last video, the video that made him out to be a liar. Truth is, a lot of what he said was how he felt. The lie was that we weren’t talking anymore. But, and I won’t deny this, I did overstep boundaries and he was upset by it. He’s not upset with you, or anyone on tumblr, never was. It was me. I pushed too hard because I thought I could never have, didn’t deserve even, what I wanted. Which was him.”_

_[footage of Steve drawing sitting on a window seat, curled up around his sketchbook like he’s protecting it]_

_“You ever meet someone and feel like you’ve known them forever? Like, you could talk for hours and it’d feel like you’d had the same conversation before, in a different life, with different faces? That sense of familiarity? Yeah, I know, I’m getting sappy. I can’t help it._

_“I said on tumblr that I was going to Coney Island last weekend with The Boy. A lot of you guessed who that might be. Well, it went really well. In fact, I even came back with a small souvenir.”_

_[footage of Bucky getting his star tattoo behind his ear]_

_“It’s all crusty at the moment, so I won’t show you it in real life, but yeah. I used to have a red star on my left arm, huge big thing, not very well done, but it was mine, you know? I know I don’t talk about Before very much, I focus more on the after. But me and Steve were talking, and I realised that the Before matters too. You don’t begin the story at happily ever after. It’s not how life works._

_“And it’s not how me and Steve worked. I doubt any relationship starts off without a few hiccups. And I’m sure there’ll be plenty more. But I want to talk about Before, and I feel ready to. I know that I’m not the same person I was then. And in a way I’m glad. Because maybe that person wouldn’t have liked Steve (though I doubt it) or maybe Steve wouldn’t have liked that person. Steve? Steve’s got his own stories to tell. Whether he chooses too or not is his decision. But that’s the thing. That I didn’t realise. Couldn’t see. That me and him, it wasn’t just one of our decisions. It was a joint decision. And it couldn’t happen any other way.”_

_[shot of Coney Island from the Big Wheel]_

_“I know it’s really early days. I know this could all go horribly wrong. I keep telling Steve, I’m so scared I’m going to screw this up. And I might. Because happily ever after isn’t defined. Not really. I think you just aim for it and keep aiming for it. There’s nothing more you can do than that._

_“We talked about the future. And weirdly, it felt like our future. Not as two separate entities, but as a shared endeavour. We want to do things together. I feel like there’s a motivation I never had before. Not that I wasn’t happy before, but it’s like, god, this is cheesy, but like I’d finished reading the book and didn’t realise there was a sequel._

_“There’s always a sequel. Always more words to be written. No matter how bad it gets, there’s more pages to turn. Some days, you won’t want to read anymore. But the rest of your book, the rest of your life, is still waiting for you. And I guess I’d forgotten that a bit._

_“I’m not saying Steve is perfect or that being with him has magically cured me of how I feel in regards to my PTSD or my arm. But I know he’s the first person who has seen me in a setting that wasn’t a hospital with my shirt off since I lost my arm. And he didn’t flinch, didn’t look away. And I could have cried. Because I talk about acceptance but until that moment I hadn’t accepted it, not entirely._

_“External validation isn’t something to rely on, I know. You have to feel right within yourself too. But it helps. Steve helps. My friends help. You guys help. And so I’m sorry for what me and Steve have put you through. It was a shit thing to do. It was my idea. Entirely. Steve did it for me. And I did it for him because I wanted the pressure off him. See, he’s sort of private really. He’s shy and he’s a dork and he blushes at everything. He makes you want to keep him safe, even though he’d probably sulk if you ever admitted that to him._

_“This is new to me. This is new ground. And Steve’s given me permission to document it. Whether we succeed or fail. There’ll still be the normal videos about mental health and geekery and all that, but I want to share my life with you a little more. Talk about Before, and also about now. I want to talk about my friends. I want to just be me. I want this to matter. I want to remember that I’m talking to real people. And I want to be a real person too, not just a character on your screen. So I’m going to try.”_

_[footsteps in the background and then a hand rests on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky looks up and is met with a soft kiss. It’s obviously Steve.]_

_“I’m recording a video, punk.”_

_“Oh yeah, you’re kinda a big deal on that site, right? Youtube? Yeah, I’ve heard of you.”_

_[Steve ducks into frame]_

_“Hey. Sorry for interrupting Bucky’s video. I couldn’t help overhearing what he was saying, and I just want to say I’m sorry too. And I’m going to be posting a video soon, explaining how my channel is going to change now I’m got this dork in my life.”_

_“Hey, c’mere.”_

_[Bucky nuzzles Steve’s nose before kissing him again. Steve smiles into the kiss before glancing at the camera.]_

_“You know we have an audience.”_

_“I can edit this out.”_

_“You won’t though.”_

_“You’re right.”_

_[footage of their kiss at the top of the Big Wheel, Bucky narrates over it]_

_“I can edit my life, make it seem better or worse than it is. Gloss over the bad parts. Like on Facebook, you compare yourself to peoples’ best days, their holiday snaps and their relationship updates. You don’t read about the days when they sat inside and it rained and they felt like crap. Because they mostly don’t post about it. The internet sort of skews things, makes you feel subtly worse about yourself because you feel like you gotta compete. Well. I’m taking myself out of the race. Everything from now on is real. Good days and bad. And I know it’s easy to say that now, with a new boyfriend and all, but I hope I can keep that promise. It’s my promise to you all. That’s all for now. I’ll see you all soon.”_

_“You got a way with words, Barnes.”_

_“Hush, you.”_


	20. IRL

                “Look what the cat dragged in.” Sam drawls, his arm comfortably slung around the back of Natasha’s chair, as Bucky and Steve wander into the café towards their little nook.

                “Which one of us is the cat?” Steve asks, smiling.

                “And which of us is the dead bird? Because if it’s me, Wilson, I swear…” Bucky continues.

                They settle down, side by side opposite Sam and Natasha. Natasha looks at them as though she’s studying some new life form under a microscope.

                Bucky grins and calls her on it.

                “Just never imagined it, is all.” She says, shrugging.

                “And you call yourself a matchmaker.” Sam says, and she pretends to glare at him.

                “So, you two, huh? This is for real?” Sam asks Bucky and Steve.

                “Feels pretty real, huh, Stevie?” Bucky closes his hand over Steve’s. Steve squeezes lightly.

                “I’d say so.” He agrees.

                “Oh man, they’re going to be one of those annoyingly cute couples, aren’t they?” Sam asides to Natasha.

                Steve blushes and Bucky grins at him and Steve grins back, and they stay in stasis until Sam’s fake coughing jolts them out of it.

                “Drinks. Anyone. Please. Stop being sappy. It’s bad enough you’re broadcasting it on the internet.” Sam says.

                “Hot chocolate?” Bucky asks.

                “And for me, definitely the weather for it.” Steve says.

                “I’ll have one too.” Natasha says, and Sam leaves to order. Once he’s gone, Bucky leans forward in his seat.

                “Sooooo, you and Sam, huh?” He ruffles her easily, but is surprised when she smiles back.

                “We didn’t need the whole internet to help us out though. Some of us aren’t completely inept.” She replies.

                “Oh. Rude.” Bucky says, but he can’t keep the grin off his face.

                “You two are sickening, you know that right?” Natasha points out.

                “Oi.” Bucky says, reaching up with his and Steve’s hands to push a stray strand of hair behind his ear. Steve’s arm is pliant and moves with his, and Bucky settles it back on the table fingers still entwined.

                “No, it’s a good look on you. Especially you, Rogers, I thought you were going to have to become a monk.”

                “I don’t think it works like that.” Steve points out. “I was fine, anyway.”

                “I’ll just go then, shall I? If you were so ‘fine’.” Bucky teases, making to leave. Steve tugs him back down.

                “Not letting go of you.” Steve says, bumping his shoulder against Bucky’s.

                Sam arrives back balancing the four drinks, all hot chocolates, the wind swirling outside the window promising snow.

                “Gonna need this hand.” Bucky says to Steve, who has taken his hot chocolate from Sam.

                “Sorry.” Steve lets go and flushes red.

                “No worries.” Bucky takes his hot chocolate. He takes a sip and sighs. It’s really good.

                Sam slides back into his seat beside Natasha. There’s quiet as they all take careful sips of their drinks, a comfortable silence.

                Around them, the lull of muted chatter filters through, and Bucky puts down his mug, and leans his head on Steve’s shoulder. Steve puts down his own mug, which he’s been cradling between his hands, and ruffles a hand through Bucky’s hair.

                “We need new friends.” Sam says to Natasha.

                “Uh huh.” She agrees, and reaches for her phone, and snaps a quick picture of the pair.

                “Hey.” Bucky protests, but there’s no bite to it.

                “You know how many tumblr followers I could get from this?” Natasha waves the phone at them.

                “You’re not on tumblr.” Bucky scoffs.

                “Not anywhere you’ll find me.” Natasha says cryptically. “I have been following your little drama though. With some interest.”

                “Bet you didn’t know you were friends with paid actors.” Bucky says.

                Steve laughs, but says “Yeah, this? All an act. Sorry.”

                “Yeah right. I’d be careful though, man, you don’t want to get on the wrong side of your fans now, they’re practically an army.” Sam says.

                “I need an _arm-_ y. I’m missing one.” Bucky deadpans.

                Steve bursts out laughing.

                “That was terrible, Buck.”

                “But you love me.” Bucky says without thinking. Steve goes very red and dives for his hot chocolate again, taking a sip and then promptly choking as it goes down the wrong way. Bucky pats him on the back until he gets his breath back.

                “Something you want to tell Bucky, Steve?” Natasha says casually.

                “Leave them alone, Nat.” Sam smiles.

                “It’s like the blind leading the blind over there though.” She protests.

                “They’ll figure it out.” Sam says, certain.

                “We’re right here, you know.” Bucky interrupts.

                “And when you learn to communicate, you can talk with the grownups.” Sam says.

                “Steve, we could get better friends. Why don’t we have better friends?” Bucky pouts.

                “Nobody else’d put up with your shit, Barnes.” Sam says.

                “They would. And I don’t have shit to put up with.”

                “Riiight.”

                “Steve, tell him. I’m a fucking delight.”

                “I know you are, Buck. I know.” Steve assures him.

                “Good.” Bucky says, and raises an eyebrow at Sam, challenging him.

                The rest of their meeting passes with easy conversation and gentle sniping at one another, until it’s time for them to head home. It’s twilight outside, and the air smells of snow. Bucky and Steve say goodbye to Sam and Natasha, heading in opposite directions, giving hugs and promises not to break the internet again.

                Steve takes Bucky’s hand in his gloved one, and they walk back to the subway stop, heading back to Bucky’s. It’s only when they’re actually on the train that Steve speaks in a low voice to Bucky.

                “You weren’t wrong, you know.” He admits.

                “I’m rarely wrong.” Bucky smirks. “But about what in particular?”

                Steve blushes. Steve is getting so sick of blushing. He hopes it just looks like the cold air has got to him, but the subway car is too warm for that excuse.

                “I might, you know, sort of, love you. A bit.” Steve tries.

                “You dork.” Bucky replies, laughing.

                “You’re supposed to say it back!” Steve mutters, indignant.

                “Well, punk, I guess I could say I, you know, sort of, love you too. A bit. More than a bit really.”

                Steve’s heart speeds up in his chest, and his stomach’s doing flips, but he smiles. He presses a chaste kiss to Bucky’s temple. Bucky snuffles closer next to him.

                The stops rattle by, and soon enough they’re at Bucky’s stop, Steve’s hand holding Bucky’s, the wool of the hand-knitted glove almost as warm as the smile on Steve’s face. It’s like his own personal sun, brilliant and bright.

                “Punk.” Bucky says softly.

                “What?” Steve asks.

                “Nothing, just, nothing. Just, you.”

                “What about me?”

                “Everything.”

                Bucky will admit he loves Steve more than a bit. He didn’t see this coming, at the beginning of the month, not at all. Has it only been a month? It feels like forever. They bundle into his apartment, losing the heavy winter clothes as they head to the bedroom, and repeat their I love yous in hushed reverence of each other, mouthing them into each other’s skin, into each other’s mouths, and as the snow falls outside it’s warm beneath the quilt, as they settle to sleep with Bucky’s arm hugging Steve’s stomach, legs tangled.

               

                **therealbuckybarnes posted**

I love you.

                **25,988 notes**

**steverogersart posted**

I love you too.

                **26,011 notes**


	21. My Subscriptions

_“Bucky:_ _Okay, today we’re going to play a question game! Doesn’t that sound like fun, Stevie? Okay, first question. What was your first impression of me?_

_Steve: When we met in real life or on Youtube?_

_Bucky: Both._

_Steve: Okay, on Youtube I just thought you were ridiculously, gah, ridiculously attractive and I really wanted to draw you at the same time? And then in real life I sort of couldn’t believe you were actually real but then I knew I just really wanted to kiss you._

_Bucky: Aww._

_Steve: Do I get a question now? Okay. What do you like best about me?_

_Bucky: I have to pick one thing? Like, looks or personality or what?_

_Steve: Do both._

_Bucky: That’s so hard. Erm. I like your hands. You’ve got really artsy fingers. Like piano player fingers or something. All spidery but in a good way. And I like your eyes. The rest of you is terrible, of course. Real disappointment. Seriously, viewers, he may look like a Greek god with his shirt on, but it’s all LIES._

_Steve: Mmph._

_Bucky: Personality wise, apart from lacking any common sense sometimes, I like how passionate you are about things and how you’ll always fight for your cause. Okay! How many tattoos do I have?_

_Steve: Erm, four? Yep. Four. Let me think… okay. What do you dislike about me?_

_Bucky: Oh no._

_Steve: Oh yes._

_Bucky: Okay. How you get up early every single morning to go for a run. I swear, it’s against god and against nature. No human should be awake at 6am._

_Steve: That’s the worst thing?_

_Bucky: That and those terrible curry things you insist on making that make the apartment smell for a week._

_Steve: Just because you have a delicate stomach._

_Bucky: You use all the spices! How do you still have a tongue?”_

*

 

                _“Bucky: Hello Youtube! We got a kitten! [holds grey and white kitten in the air]_

_Steve: You got a kitten._

_Bucky: We got a kitten._

_Steve: Which you brought in without asking me._

_Bucky: Oh no, now he’s grumpy. Mr Grumpy Face. Look! Kitten!_

_Steve: I’m not Mr Grumpy Face, I just think you should have asked me._

_Bucky: But you’d have said no._

_Steve: Point._

_Bucky (to kitten): He’s so grumpy. But he loves you really._

_Steve: Stop talking to the kitten._

_Bucky: Her name is Margo._

_Steve: WHY?_

_Bucky: Because._

_Steve: You’re the one who’s going to be cleaning her out._

_Bucky: Of course._

_Bucky (in high pitched voice holding kitten up): Viewers, what do you think? Aren’t I adorable? Didn’t Bucky do the right thing?_

_[footage of later that night, Steve is asleep on the sofa with Margo curled up on his chest]”_

*

 

**steverogersart.tumblr.com posted**

[pencil drawing of Margo attacking Bucky’s nose, Bucky is smiling]

#margo #bucky #artists on tumblr

 **stuckytube** _reblogged this from **steverogersart** and added: _I CANNOT WITH THESE BEAUTIFUL DORKS.

 **allnightotgetbucky** _reblogged this from **steverogersart** and added: _TOO CUTE.

 **wiccancan** _reblogged this from **steverogersart** and added: _@jollygreen can we get a kitten?

                j **ollygreen** _reblogged this from **wiccancan** and added: _@wiccancan NO

                                **therealbuckybarnes** _reblogged this from **jollygreen** and added: _PETITION TO GET @wiccancan a kitten! Reblog this!

                                                s **teverogersart** _reblogged this from **therealbuckybarnes** and added: _Bucky NO.

**10,035 notes**

**wiccancan.tumblr.com posted**

[picture of Billy and Teddy and a ginger fluffball of a kitten]

Tumblr insisted. Love you @jollygreen. We just need a name now.

**221 notes**

*

 

**Latest Google Searches**

_How to rob a bank hypothetically I mean_

_How to rob a bank_

_Cheaper custom engagement rings_

_Cheap custom engagement rings_

_Custom engagement rings_

_Engagement rings_

*

 

**Bucky’s been acting really weird lately, and he keeps getting into intense conversations with the cat. Any idea what’s up? – SR**

**If I told you, I’d have to kill you. – NR**

*

 

_“Okay. So I’m filming this because I think it’s important. Possibly the most important thing I’ll ever do. If it all goes tits up, then you’ll get a good laugh out of it anyway. Erm yeah.”_

_[Bucky produces a ring box]_

_“I’m going to pop the question. Steve’s just gone to get some milk, and when he comes back, well._

_“It’s been a weird year. If you’d told me I’d fall in love with someone from Youtube a year ago, then I’d have said you were optimistic to say the least. And here I am, with my life and love on film for all to see. I still have to pinch myself sometimes.”_

_[The front door closes in the background. Bucky swallows hard.]_

_“Steve, can you come here a moment?”_

_[He looks straight at the camera, visibly nervous.]_

_“Wish me luck, guys?”_

_“What is it, Buck?”_

_[Bucky gets down on one knee, the ring box open just in view to see a beautiful custom ring]_

_“Steven Grant Rogers, would you do me the honour of being my husband?”_

_[Steve stands in the doorway, looking like his brain has just BSOD’d. He’s still holding the milk]_

_“Stevie?”_

_“Buck? Really? You mean it?”_

_“’Course I do you big idiot. Come here and give me an answer.”_

_[Steve walks over to Bucky, gets down on the floor so they’re level with one another.]_

_“You don’t have to get down on one knee too.”_

_“Sorry, I mean, yes. Yes. I’m saying yes.”_

_[Bucky lurches forward and pulls Steve into a one armed hug. Steve looks like he might be crying.]_

_[Bucky pulls back and fiddles with the ring box, getting the ring out and dropping the box. He nods to Steve’s left hand. Steve holds it out and Bucky slides the ring on gently, where it sits pride of place.]_

_[Steve looks at it, and then at Bucky. Bucky takes the opportunity to steal a kiss.]_

_“Love you Stevie.”_

_“Love you more Buck.”_

_“I don’t think that’s possible.”_

_“Try me.”_

*

 

**therealbuckybarnes.tumblr.com posted**

[photo of Steve and Bucky, with Steve’s hand across Bucky’s chest, ring glinting from the camera flash]

HE SAID YES!

 **steverogersart** _reblogged this from **therealbuckybarnes** and added: _Of course I did. Love you.

                **steveandbucky** _reblogged this from **steverogersart** and added: _THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

**25,011 notes**

*

 

“Stevie?”

                “Mmph?”

                “Do you believe in fate?”

                “I don’t know Buck, what brought this on?”

                “I was just thinking. I could have been matched with anyone. And I ended up with you.”

                “Knowing you, you’d have married them anyway.”

                “Oi, rude.”

                “Sorry. I don’t know. Maybe it _was_ meant to be.”

                “It’s pretty weird. Good weird though.”

                “Good weird. Like you.”

                “Punk.”

                “Jerk.”

 

*

 

**What exactly is your job? – SW**

**I help people who can’t help themselves. – NR**

**So, charity? – SW**

**Feels that way sometimes. – NR**

**Not charity then. – SW**

**I have friends in high places. I like to pull strings and see what happens. – NR**

**You’re scary sometimes, you know that? – SW**

**All part of my appeal. – NR**

**You are very appealing. – SW**

**Oh, I know. – NR**

*

 

**1 – 20 of 639 Works in James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers**

Captain America by thestanleyparable

                _Superhero AU. Now complete! Set pre-WWII to present day._

_Bucky Barnes has always loved Steve Rogers._

_But with the war looming, what future do they have?_

_Theirs is a love that spans decades._

Language: English Words: 251,493 Chapters: 115 Kudos: 670 Hits: 15,283

 

*

 

**thestanleyparable.tumblr.com posted**

SO A COMIC COMPANY WANTS TO MAKE MY RPF INTO A COMIC BOOK. WHAT? @therealbuckybarnes and @steverogersart are apparently already on board. WHAT IS MY LIFE?

 **therealbuckybarnes** _reblogged this from **thestanleyparable** and added: _I’m going to be a superhero! My life is awesome.

                t **hestanleyparable** _reblogged this from **therealbuckybarnes** and added: _I can’t thank you enough! This is… beyond anything I could have dreamed of. I keep thinking I’m going to wake up at any moment.

                                s **teverogersart** _reblogged this from **thestanleyparable** and added: _We’re both so happy for you. You’ve earnt it. Bucky’s been raving about your fic from day one. He cried at the end. I always thought you should have made Bucky the hero though, he’s a much better superhero than me. But it’s an honour nonetheless.

**5,936 notes**

*

 

**The world’s newest queer superhero?**

From strange beginnings, the newly published first issue of Captain America boasts a patriotic frontman with a difference. He’s bisexual. Based on an online story, the comic introduces Steve Rogers as a skinny kid from Brooklyn, and his best friend and potential love interest Bucky Barnes. Whilst the first issue gives no hint of how these two are going to find themselves fighting Nazis, those who have read the source material know new readers are in for a bumpy ride. Allegedly based on a real relationship (albeit one without superpowers), Kamala Khan’s Captain America is emotionally honest and beautifully written and illustrated. Definitely one to watch out for.

 

*

 

                “Good job on the Matchmaking Month, Coulson.”

                “Sir?”

                “It seems to have done a lot of good in the Youtube community.”

                “That wasn’t my call.”

                “Seems to me it was.”

                “No sir, the order came from you.”

 

*

 

                “It appears we were hacked, the matching algorithm set into place and then the emails sent out. No sign of any malicious activity. All signed off on, despite nobody knowing anything about it.” Skye says, keying at the keyboard furiously. She can see the breach now, a tiny line of code nobody should ever know to look for.

                “I can fix it for you?” She offers.

                “No. Leave it. Whoever did this has my attention.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for taking the time to re-read this, or if you're reading for the first time, hi! i have a couple of mini-installments to add to the 'verse and then we're done. sorry for not responding to comments, my head has been in a really weird place, if you need me for any reason, find me on the tumblr. hope you had a great last few days and have a brilliant year next year!

**Author's Note:**

> this is probably hugely out of date now because youtube is a clusterfuck masquerading as a website, but still. STILL. 
> 
> and as always, you can find me at new-salem.tumblr.com if that's what you want to do with your spare time.


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